


All that matters to me

by Mybelle2



Category: Take That (Band)
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, Second Chances, Single Parents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:54:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29338656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mybelle2/pseuds/Mybelle2
Summary: Sequel to the story To Sir with love.Can Jess and Jason withstand the storm as a tragedy hits them and Jess's daughter Ruby needs Jason more than he ever envisaged?
Relationships: Jason Orange/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

TWO MONTHS LATER - JULY

It was the last day of the school term. A day when Ruby finished school at 2pm as a treat for their final day. Jess was working that day and had arranged to meet her sister Danni at the school. It was a few weeks since they'd seen each other because Jess had been busy with their house move. Jason had decided to rent out the flat and had immediately found a tenant who was moving up to Manchester with his high-tech computer company and bringing his young wife with him. They had looked around a dozen houses and eventually found one which they'd both fallen in love with in Chorlton in North Manchester. Jason had said he'd have preferred to live in South Manchester as it was a nicer area of the city, but the practicalities of both Jason and Ruby getting to school from there just didn't make sense. Jess was loathe to move Ruby to another school and Jason was happy with his teaching job there too. It also made sense with regards to house prices as they got a lot more for their money if they lived in the North. They'd found a large house with a beautiful, huge garden for Ruby and enough room if Jason's nieces or nephews came to stay. Jess had eventually put her house up for sale so she didn't feel like Jason was paying for the whole cost of the new house - despite him assuring her he really wasn't worried.

Things were going along like a dream and Jess was feeling extremely happy living with Jason. Ruby was blossoming into a happy, confident kid and Steve, who was still none-the-wiser that she was with Jason had kept completely out of their lives. He'd not rung for months and she'd received no more maintenance money from him. So her solicitor had drawn up an agreement that if he was no longer willing to help out money-wise there would be no further contact with Ruby - unless she specifically wanted contact with him at a later date and also if he wanted her back in his life. The day the solicitor rang to say Steve had sent the signed agreement back, Jess felt a huge wave of both relief and then immense sadness that he wanted nothing more to do with his beautiful daughter. 

Jess was due to leave work at 1.30 and she'd planned to meet Danni outside the school and they would then take the girls to the park to wait for Jason to finish work at around 3pm. Jess had bought the brand new top of the range BMW 2 series people carrier with her that Jason had insisted on buying for her, rather than her clapped out Ford Focus which was currently waiting for the garage nearby to come to collect and put up for sale. She'd driven the BMW that day so if he didn't fancy the cycle home he could shove the bike in the cavernous boot.

Work had been quiet that morning, so Jess left off at 1.30pm on the dot. She was nearing the school when she realised that she'd completely forgotten to pick up a click and collect Fruit and vegetable order from the whole foods supermarket a mile or so from the school. Tutting under her breath at her own forgetfulness, she realised she was going to be cutting it fine to get to the school on time. Five minutes later she drew up at the shop and swiftly sent a text to Danni to say she was running late, but should be there with moments to spare and she'd see her where the 'lollipop lady' stood to stop the traffic, so the pupils could cross the busy main road which ran in front of the school.

It was nearing 1.55pm when Jess drew up into the space in the car park opposite the school. Running a brush quickly through her hair, she checked her appearance in the mirror and then shoved her sunglasses over her eyes to ward off the bright July sunshine. It was a beautiful day with a cobalt blue sky and tiny puffs of clouds and a temperature warm enough for Jess to put on one of her favourite sundresses which she'd bought for their first holiday together on the Greek island of Kefalonia in the third week of August. They were booked to go to Lisbon the following week and Jess was beyond excited at the thought of spending quality time with Jason. The last two months had been brilliant, but apart from the odd dinner out every now and then they hadn't had much time alone. 

Gathering up the bag with the fruit and vegetables in it by the handle, she hurried in the direction of the school. She thought it would be sensible to bring it with her and put it under the shade of a tree in the park, rather than leaving it in the hot car. Plus there was a punnet of juicy strawberries in there which would spoil in the heat and as they were Ruby's favourite they could have them as a snack up at the park, she decided.

In the classroom, Jason was busy tidying up. He couldn't wait for the six week holidays and to spend more time with Jess and Ruby. There were still half a dozen of the kids in the classroom and he was sincerely hoping their parents hadn't forgotten the early finish that day. Looking pointedly at the clock, he raised an eyebrow at his teaching assistant Steph. 'Are you ok waiting with me until their parents pick them up? I have a load of workbooks to drop off at the staff room when they've all gone. If you can help we should do it in one trip.'

'Yeah, no problem. Amelia's college aren't finishing early today so I have plenty of time.' Steph shot him a small smile and rolled her eyes in Lucas's direction. As usual, Annie was late picking him up. 

As Jess made her way out of the car park she spotted Danni standing on the path near the "lollipop lady" chatting to her friend Meg who had already collected her daughter Maisie. She waved at her and walked towards her with a broad smile, pushing past the hordes of parents and children who were coming in the opposite direction. As she reached her sister she gave her a quick hug and kiss and did the same to Meg. 'I'm so sorry I'm a bit late. I completely forgot I was supposed to call into the supermarket to collect the shopping. Jason would bust a gut if I forgot his precious vegetables for the stir fry.'

'Ah, no worries. I've only just got here myself, Jess,' Danni replied, her gaze raking up and down Jess and thinking how fit and happy she looked. Living with Jason obviously agreed with her.

'We'd better go and get the girls or they'll think we've forgotten them!' she looked at Meg and Maisie. 'We're off to the park behind the school if you want to join us while we wait for Jay to finish?'

'Yeah, that's a nice idea. I'll make my way there and meet you in a minute.' Meg replied with a smile as she saw her friend Marie crossing the road. 'I just need to speak to Marie and then I'll make my way down there.'

Jess indicated to the "lollipop lady" that they were now ready to cross. The crowds were beginning to thin now that a lot of the kids had been picked up, so she was waiting around to help people cross as and when needed. 

They were halfway across the road when Jess heard a sharp intake of breath from somewhere nearby - she couldn't ascertain from exactly where and saw a car heading straight for them with no sign of slowing down. Police sirens could suddenly be heard from not far behind the car as they followed the car. For a moment Jess wondered what was going on as she heard someone shout a warning to them to move and a barrage of screams follow. The car was headed straight for Danni and was now so close she could see that it looked like a teenager was driving it. She shoved Danni as hard as she could out of the way of the speeding car, knowing she needed to save her as instinct took over and she simply didn't think of the consequences to herself or her own safety. There was a loud scream from somewhere in the distance and then a feeling of intense pain rippled through her body as everything went black as the the car missed Danni, but hit her instead.

It was Danni who had screamed as she saw the car miss her by inches and hit Jess on the right hand side, the force throwing her across the road where she landed in a crumpled heap at the side of the road. The car carried on going, eventually ploughing into a lamp post and just missing a group of parents and children. Running over to Jess, Danni screamed her name at the top of her voice. All she could see was blood pouring out of a gash at the side of Jess's head. Her right leg was lying at an odd angle and she wasn't moving at all.

'Don't move her!' a man called pushing through the crowd which had begun to gather. 'I've done first aid. Whatever you do don't move her. Is she breathing?' he dropped down to his knees next to Danni, who was already kneeling next to Jess, tears pouring down her face as she looked at her sister as if she was an apparition and this really wasn't happening. 'Thank goodness, I can feel a pulse,' he murmered, not really sure what to do next. 'You need to call the paramedics!' he shouted, trying to get through to Danni as she sat there looking shocked.

'I've already done it,' Meg called, running over to them. She had left Maisie with Marie as she ran over - her first thought was to call an ambulance. 'Danni, we need to get Jay!' she shook Danni forcefully as she tried to pull her out of her shocked silence. 

'You do it. I'm not leaving her!' Danni snapped, suddenly realising what was going on and now properly seeing the utter carnage surrounding them. The bag containing fruit and vegetables which Jess had been carrying was strewn all over the road. Squashed strawberries and raspberries the same colour as the blood which was spreading over the road from Jess's head wound were scattered everywhere.

Meg sprinted off into the school, barging past people without caring if she knocked into them in her desperation to get to him. As she reached Jason's classroom she could see only Steph was with him and Lucas, who was still waiting for his mum Annie. 'Jay, you need to get outside and quick! Jess has been involved in what looks like a hit and run.'

Jason's mouth dropped open in shocked surprise and he looked slightly confused. 'Here? Outside the school?'

Meg nodded. 'Yes, it looks like the car was being driven by a group of teenagers and the police were chasing them. I thought you'd want to know.'

'Steph, will you ring either Danni or Jess's mum to come to collect Ruby?' Jason asked as he tried to think on his feet what would be the best thing to do. 'I'll accompany Jess to hospital if needed,' Jason suggested, assuming that Jess had been involved in the accident while still in her car and probably only had minor cuts and bruises.

As they ran out of the school the sirens stopped and Jason looked at Meg in confusion as he saw the crowd gathered in the road. 'Is she in the car park?'

'No Jay. She's in the road...' Meg trailed off, as Jason pushed through the crowd and came to an abrupt stop as he saw Jess lying in the road with Danni on one side and a policeman on the other side who had been following the stolen vehicle.

Jason bellowed the word "no!" as he dropped down to his knees beside her, not caring that he was kneeling on top of smashed up fruit. 'Is she alive?' he whispered, aching to touch her to make sure she was ok. 'I work in the school and I'm her boyfriend.' He squashed down the feeling that he wanted to throw up at the sight of Jess lying there completely still and covered in blood.

'Yes. She's got a head injury and I reckon she's broken a leg badly, but until the paramedics get here we won't know for certain. She has a pulse - which is good.'

'Are they on their way?' Jason asked, his tone anguished as he looked at her and felt completely helpless. He could hardly believe that his beautiful, vivacious Jess was lying in the road completely still. 

'Yes, they're coming by Air Ambulance due to the traffic and the fact that she has a head injury. They'll be landing in the field next to the park,' the policeman replied, trying to crane his neck to see whether Jess's head injury was superficial or not. Judging by the amount of blood he could see it did look serious, but he didn't want to assume and worry Jason and who he could only guess was Jess's sister, judging by their similarities in looks.

'Danni, I asked Steph to ring you or your mum to collect Ruby. I can't have her seeing her mum like this. Can you ring your mum and tell her to take Ruby out the back way and look after her?' Jason asked, trying to think of everything so he could protect Ruby from seeing her mum in the state she was in. He turned to the policeman and looked around in annoyance at the crowd. 'Can you get rid of all these people, for God's sake?'

'Yeah, they're doing it,' he nodded in the direction of two police who were moving the gathered people away, while the others were in the process of arresting the teenagers who were in the crashed car.

'Yes of course.' Danni replied in answer to Jason's request to go and phone Maggie and went off to try and get hold of her mum. While she waited for the dial tone she began to pick up the vegetables which weren't damaged off the road, absentmindedly thinking in her confused state that Jess might want them - after all, she could wash them and they'd be fine to use. 

Maggie heard her mobile ringing in the depths of her handbag. She was feeling somewhat confused and perturbed to get a garbled phone call from Steph asking if she could urgently collect Ruby as Jess had been waylaid en-route - it simply wasn't like Jess to be late. 'Danni? Is Jess ok? I got a really strange message from Jason's support teacher. I've just collected Ruby.'

Danni hesitated, wondering what to say so she didn't upset her mum and also freak out Ruby. 'Um, there's been an incident outside the school. Don't worry, she's in good hands. Can you take Ruby out the back entrance and I'll get Meg to come and meet you so we can go to the hospital together? Before you leave can you just collect Daisy too - Meg will look after her and Ruby.'

'Ok. Shall I wait with Ruby and Daisy at the back entrance?' Maggie asked, trying to sound business like, so Ruby didn't cotton on that something was going on.

'Yes. I'll come with Meg and meet you and then she can take Ruby and Daisy to the park to keep them busy and we'll go to the hospital together.' Danni replied, trying to think of all eventualities. 

'Has your mum got Ruby?' Jason asked worriedly when she came back. He'd been talking to Jess the whole time, hoping she could hear him talking to her. By now the policeman had been informed that the Air Ambulance was two minutes away and so far Jess still had a fairly steady pulse.

'Meg is going to have Ruby and Daisy while we go to hospital. You either go in the Air Ambulance if they'll let you or take Jess's car and we'll meet you there.'

'Where will they be taking her?' Jason asked the policeman - who by now had told him his name was Simon, as he hoped that he'd know the answer.

'Manchester Royal Infirmary, mate. Do you have someone to drive you as I don't think it would be a good idea to drive yourself?' he asked, noticing that Jason had gone a peculiar grey colour - something which wasn't unusual given the circumstances.

'Um, I was going to drive myself,' he ran his hand through his hair distractedly, feeling totally confused as to what he should do.

'I don't think so...' Simon replied, giving him a serious look. 'I think you should all go together. You're in no fit state to drive yourself.'

A few minutes later they heard the unmistakable sound of the helicopter Air Ambulance landing nearby and Jason looked worriedly at Simon. 'She is going to be ok, isn't she?'

'I hope so. I really do,' Simon replied calmly. He didn't know what else to say. 'I'd say considering she's breathing that's a good sign.'

'I don't know what I'd do if I lost her,' Jason whispered, his heart feeling like it was going to tear in two as he gazed down at her beautiful face. There wasn't a scratch on her face he noticed, considering she'd obviously been hit at some force. It looked like her right leg had taken most of the force and her head as she fell.

'Well, she's in the safest hands now.' Simon replied, nodding across the road as the paramedics came running towards them. 'They will get her stabilised here and then off to hospital.'


	2. Chapter 2

Twenty minutes later the paramedics had stabilised Jess enough to put her in the Air Ambulance. Jason felt immense relief that one of them mentioned her pupils were reactive - his knowledge of medicine wasn't great, but he did know that it was a good sign if her pupils were reacting to light.

The paramedic looked at Jason as he tried to ascertain why he looked oddly familiar. 'We're going to get her to Manchester Infirmary. If you make you way there they'll be able to keep you updated what's happening.'

'Do you think she'll be ok?' Jason asked, chewing on his bottom lip worriedly. 

'She's broken her leg badly - I think they'll need to pin that. They'll need to check the head injury and if she's got a skull fracture they may need to operate. But she's doing better than I would have expected.'

Jason huffed out a sigh of relief which he hadn't even realised he was holding. 'Thank goodness,' he said quietly.

By now the paramedics had Jess ready to take to the Air Ambulance and began to hurriedly clear their paraphernalia away. Danni and Maggie had just arrived at the side of the road. Maggie's eyes had welled up with tears as she saw her eldest daughter on the stretcher and she choked back a sob.

'She'll be ok, mum.' Danni assured her, with more conviction than she felt and placed her arm supportively around her shoulders.

As they reached Jason he drew Maggie into a tight hug. 'I'll drive us all to the hospital. She's with the best people and I'm sure they'll fix her and she'll be as good as new when she comes around.'

'I hope you're right, Jason.' Maggie replied, sincerely hoping he was correct in his assumption.

They arrived at the hospital half an hour later and after going to reception they were taken to the relatives room to wait for a doctor. It seemed like forever before a doctor turned up and they were all starting to become seriously worried that something was up. After sending a nurse off to get them hot drinks he pulled up a chair and faced them. 'Sorry for the delay in coming to see you. I had to make sure Mrs Shaw was stable. We've got her on some fluids and she's on her way up for a scan firstly - this is to check her head injury and also the leg injury, but also to make sure she has no internal bleeding. Once we know what we're dealing with she'll go up to the theatre.'

'Has she awoken yet?' Jason asked impatiently, wondering if it was significant if she hadn't.

'No, but that's not unusual, given that she hit her head as she landed on the road. Her pupils are reactive and she's breathing in her own, so there's no indication that she's had a bleed on the brain which is what we'd be looking out for.'

'And how long will she be in theatre for?' Danni asked, her mind working overtime as she thought back to Meg offering to look after the girls for however long it took. It was all very well of her to offer to look after the girls, but she didn't want to take the piss.

'It depends whether she has a skull fracture. I really don't know. But I would say you'll be here until this evening at a minimum. Do you have any more questions?' he asked, looking at them all in turn.'

They all shook their heads. There were hundreds of questions buzzing around in their minds, but they were all questions which could only be answered once Jess had been through tests to ascertain the extent of her injuries and had been operated on.

'Well I'll bring you through to an area where you can wait. Feel free to get something to eat as we'll be a while and I'll come find you when we know more,' the doctor said, getting up and ushering them out of the room.

'What do you think we should do about Ruby?' Jason asked his voice shaking at the thought of what he should say so he didn't frighten her.

'Shall I wait here until around 9pm and if she's still in theatre I'll go and fetch the girls? I'll keep my phone on in case you need to speak to me. After all, this is the first evening of the kids holidays so it won't harm if they have a late night.' Maggie suggested, as she tried to decide what to do for the best.

'How about I just ring Meg to check she's ok with that?' Danni asked, waiting until they all nodded in agreement. She was back a few minutes later later and smiled at them all. 'She said it was fine. I spoke to Ruby too.'

'Is Ruby ok?' Jason asked, his thoughts instantly turning to Ruby and if she was ok. Every now and then the strange conversation he'd had with Jess flitted through his mind. The time on their night out when she'd asked him to be there for Ruby and he now wondered whether she was just having a wobble as they'd just started to become more serious and also because Steve had cut off all ties with his daughter at around the same time.

'Yeah. She was all excited because she saw the Air Ambulance. I couldn't tell her it was there for her mum.'

'Have you told her what's going on?' Jason asked, his heart sinking as she mentioned the Air Ambulance.

'I just said that a car didn't brake in time at the crossing and Jess broke her leg. Do you know she saved my life?'

'Did she?' Jason looked at her gobsmacked. He felt immense pride that Jess had saved her own sister's life without a thought for herself.

'Yeah and I feel like shit. That should be me in there. Not me!' Danni burst into noisy tears as she verbalised what had been playing on her mind all afternoon.

Maggie instantly pulled her into her arms and hugged her tightly. 'We can't change what has happened. If she hadn't pushed you out the way you might be dead. So don't talk like that,' she chided, kissing Danni soundly.

At 6pm Jason headed down to the food court in the main part of the hospital. By now they'd been there nearly 3 hours and were all beginning to feel hungry. He hurriedly bought three jacket potatoes with beans for the girls and veggie chili for himself, along with mineral water for them all. Making his way back into the room balancing the tray carefully, he looked at the two women. 'Any news?' Both women shook their heads in response.

Two hours later there was a sharp rap at the door and all three of them swivelled their heads to the door as the doctor who had spoken to them earlier came in the room. 'Have you all eaten?' when they all nodded he came in and shut the door behind him. 'So Jess had her scan and it showed nothing to worry about. She has fractured her skull, but it's not a bad one and should heal nicely without surgery. We've stitched her head wound, but she will look slightly odd as we've had to shave her hair in that area. We just need to keep an eye on the wound to make sure she doesn't get an infection.'

'And her leg?' Danni asked, thinking how bad it looked after the accident. 

'We've operated and put a pin in it and she's now in recovery,' replied her doctor.

'Has she woken yet?' Jason asked. He had an awful feeling they weren't being told everything, but he couldn't put his finger on why.

'Not yet. When we did the scan on her head there wasn't anything to worry about. So it's just a matter of time. The ITU room she's in will feel cold as we're regulating the temperature, as it's been shown that it helps sometimes to keep the swelling down. We'll get her moved into ITU and then you can come and see her for a few minutes if you like?'

Half an hour later he was back and he took them through what seemed like endless corridors until he reached the room where Jess was. The room was freezing cold and she was surrounded by a bank of bleeping machines - one of which was breathing for her, whoosh after steady whoosh.

'Is this normal?' Jason asked, not sure whether this was normal or not. He'd never been in a situation like this before and he felt unsettled by it all.

'Yes, completely normal. Don't worry. We'll be keeping a close eye on her and we can tell by her heart rate when she starts to come around.'

'You do mean when and not if, don't you?' Jason persisted like a dog with a bone. 

'Yes. I'm sure this coma is short lived. Just an effect of the trauma she's sustained,' he pulled up three chairs so they could sit next to the bed. 'Talk to her. We don't know for sure that she'll hear you, but it all helps.'

Danni sat next to Jess and gently held her cold hand, bringing it to her lips to kiss it. 'Thank you, Jess. I love you,' she whispered against her palm so that only Jess could hear. 'I owe you one.' She added as an after-thought, knowing she could never repay her for throwing herself in the way of the car.

Danni moved out of the way so Maggie could speak to Jess privately. Jason discreetly tapped her on the shoulder and motioned with his head to follow him. 'Is it just me or does something not feel right here?' he asked, feeling bad about voicing his concerns. He knew the doctor hadn't actually said anything, but he got the distinct impression the doctor had been holding back on something.

Danni hesitated as she thought back to everything the doctor had said during the time he'd spoken to them. 'Jay, I think you're thinking too deeply into this,' she assured him, hugging him tightly as she tried to reassure him. 'I'm sure you're just worrying too much.'

Jason heaved a deep sigh and ran his hand through his hair distractedly as he gave her a wan smile. 'Yeah, you're probably right. I used to drive the lads mad with all my worrying. Just ignore me.'

Danni turned to look at him and patted him on the shoulder supportively. 'Ah, it's fine. It shows you care. Now shut up worrying and go and speak to Jess so she knows you're here for her.'


	3. Chapter 3

Danni and Maggie left the room so Jason could have some time alone with Jess. As soon as they got outside in the corridor Maggie's brave facade crumbled as she dissolved into floods of tears. 'I know the doctor said she should wake up, but it kills me to see her like that! So unresponsive and looking nothing like her. Those tubes are just awful!'

'It's because she can't breathe for herself, mum. They'll wean her off those as she begins to wake up.' Danni looked her mum directly in the eye, in an attempt to reassure her mum not to worry.

'Do you think Jay will want to stay here with her overnight?' Maggie asked, thinking if Jay wanted to go home to look after Ruby she would stay so that Jess wasn't alone - she couldn't bear the thought of her daughter alone in the ICU unit.

Danni shrugged. 'Somebody needs to pick Ruby up and I guess we need to tell her what's happened. Though how much we tell her I really don't know.'

Back in the room, Jason took Jess's hand and clasped it between his two hands, kissing her fingertips as he studied her face. 'Jess, I love you. I hope you can hear this,' tears began to roll unchecked down his face as he thought how much his life had changed for the better since he'd met her. 

A nurse came in to check Jess's vital signs and smiled across at him, visibly jumping as she realised who Jason was. 'Oh hello. Is this your girlfriend?' she asked, nodding down to Jess as she lay unmoving in the bed.

'Yes. She is. Will I be able to stay here with her overnight?' he asked, looking like a little boy as he asked the question. 

'Of course. If you'd like to.'

'Yes, I'd like that. I don't like the thought of her being alone here. I'll just go check that either her mum or sister can collect Ruby - Jess's daughter,' he added as an afterthought, in case the nurse didn't know that Jess had a daughter.

As he got up to go and find Maggie and Danni as they waited for him in the corridor, the nurse tried to hide her look of surprise. She'd been to see the band numerous times and it was well known amongst fans that Jason didn't do serious relationships. So for him to be here and talking about a little girl was a surprise.

After chatting, they decided that Maggie would get a taxi back and collect Ruby and Daisy and Danni and Jason would stay overnight with Jess. It seemed to make the most sense to them all.

Half an hour later Maggie arrived at Meg's house and collected the girls. She decided the most sensible thing would be to keep them overnight at her house as they were used to staying there and she wanted to keep things as normal as possible for Ruby. After Meg had driven them all back to Maggie's house, Ruby fixed her grandma with an unwavering gaze as they sat in the kitchen drinking the hot chocolate that Maggie had made for them all. 'Nanna, what's really going on with mummy? She must be ill if she's staying in hospital tonight.'

'She has a broken leg and so she had to have an operation, because she'd hurt her head too.'

'But she's ok?' Ruby persisted, looking unflinchingly at her grandmother so it made her impossible to lie. For someone so young Ruby seemed to have an inate way of knowing when someone was trying to keep the truth from her.

'Yes she's ok, but she's sleeping at the moment. I'm sure she'll be right as rain tomorrow.' 

'Can I go and see her tomorrow? I just want to hug her.'

'We'll see if she's up to visitors tomorrow, Ruby.' Maggie replied, hoping that would pacify Ruby for the time being.

Back at the hospital the nurse who had checked on Jess earlier brought them blankets to keep warm and more comfortable chairs so they could snatch some sleep. There had been no change in Jess, but she'd assured them that it was normal after surgery that patients often didn't respond straight away.

Jason stirred at 6am as he heard the machines bleeping loudly. Rubbing his eyes, he was amazed to realise he'd actually slept at all. For most of the night Danni and him had talked to Jess in low voices. Danni had talked about their happy childhood and he'd loved listening to the stories she'd re-counted about their younger days. He'd held Jess's hand as Danni had talked during the night at length and wondered whether she could hear anything. 

'Jess, can you hear me?' he whispered, as he looked down at her hand convinced he'd seen her little finger twitch against the bedclothes and then there was nothing again.

Danni woke up as she heard Jason's voice. 'Is she ok?' she asked, her tone hopeful.

Jason nodded and looked at her in relief. There was the tiniest of coughing noises which escaped Jess's mouth as she lay still unmoving in the bed. It was so quiet that Jason would have doubted he'd heard it if Danni hadn't have been sitting next to him. Standing up, he pressed the call bell beside her bed to call for help.

A different doctor to the one they'd met the previous day hurried into the room, swiftly followed by a nurse. 'It looks like she's coming round,' he murmered, as there was another almost imperceptible cough from Jess. 'She's trying to breathe on her own,' he remarked, as his eyes roved quickly over the bleeping machines. He looked over at Jason and Danni and nodded in greeting. 'Could you just wait outside while we see if we can remove the breathing tube?' he asked politely, wondering if this was the pop star that the nurse had been salivating over the previous evening when he'd come onto shift.

Jess's eyes opened as they removed the breathing tube and she tried desperately to move her head to look for anything familiar. She coughed a rasping cough and retched as they removed the tube and sucked in a desperate lungful of air. 'Cold...' she whispered, a feeling of panic running through her as she tried to work out where she was. A mans face loomed overhead in the bright light and she blinked as a pain ran through her head like a sledgehammer. 'Where am I?' she whispered, wincing as the action jarred her head. She felt woozy and disoriented and extremely frightened.

You're in hospital, Jess. You had an accident yesterday,' the man said gently, patting her hand. 

'Why does my head hurt?' Jess said hoarsely as she grappled around in her brain, trying to remember what had happened, but it was blank.

The nurse came over while the doctor did some tests. 'You fractured your skull as you fell. We've pinned your leg as you broke it badly too in the accident. It was a hit and run outside your daughter's school.'

'Ruby?' Jess tried to sit up as she felt a thread of pure panic run through her that she'd been with her at the time.

The nurse made a soft shushing sound and guided her to lay back down. 'She's fine. She was still in school. You were going to collect her. Try to lay still as you'll jar your leg if you're not careful - as well as your head.'

Jess let out a deep sigh of relief. 'I'm cold,' she stated again, her voice a mere croak due to the tube which had been in her throat, as she tried to stifle a shiver. 

'It's a precaution. We'll warm you up in a bit now we know your awake, my luv. Your boyfriend and sister slept here all night because they didn't want to leave your side last night. Shall I bring them in?'

Jess nodded and licked her lips. They felt dry and cracked and she could bet she looked a dreadful sight. 'Will I be able to walk?' she croaked through her sore throat, suddenly remembering the nurse had mentioned her leg.

'Yes,' the nurse said quietly, turning away from her with the strangest of expressions - almost sad, Jess realised. She cast her eyes down the bed as best she could given that she'd been told not to sit up or move too much. It looked like there was something under the sheets to raise her leg and wondered how awful her leg must look given that they'd had to pin it.

As Jason and Danni came back into the room they hurried over to her, relief evident in their smiles that she was awake.

'Jess, you gave me such a scare!' Jason remarked, as he leant over and kissed her on the lips.

Jess looked up at him. 'I'm sorry. Everything hurts like hell!'

'I'll get you some more morphine for the pain,' the nurse said, disappearing off to get another dose for her.

'Jess, you saved my life,' Danni remarked, kissing Jess on her cheek and taking her hand in hers. 'I can't ever thank you enough. I owe you one.'

Jess chuckled lightly, wincing as a stabbing pain ran through her head again. 'I'll think of some way you can repay me. Don't worry.'

'Anything...' Danni nodded, feeling immense love and gratitude towards her older sister. 'After what you did for me I would do anything for you, Jess.'

An hour later Jess had managed to eat a little bit of toast and had a drink of tea with Jason and Danni's help. The nurse had administered her a dose of morphine to take the edge off her pain and had sat her up in the bed. Jason had been down to the Food court to fetch him and Danni some breakfast and while he was there Danni had rung her mum and Ruby and told them Jess had come around and was due to be moved out of ICU later that day, so they could hopefully come to visit when they knew the ward number.

It was 9am when the doctor re-appeared who had removed her tube. 'Hi, I'm Doctor Clarke,' he tucked a file under his arm and reached out to shake hands with the three of them. He pulled a chair up to the edge of the bed and looked at Jess. 'So how are you feeling Mrs Shaw?'

'A lot better. My head still hurts and the same with my leg, but it's feeling a bit better since the nurse got me some more morphine.' Jess took a gulp of air, the long sentence having tired her out. 'Please just call me Jess,' she managed to finally croak.

'I assume you are Mrs Shaw's husband and sister?'he looked at Jason and Danni in turn and raised an eyebrow questioningly.

'Boyfriend.' Jason interjected as he held Jess's hand in his and gave her an affectionate smile.

'I'm divorced,' Jess explained, just in case the doctor thought she'd been having an affair. Not that it mattered in the grand scheme of matters, but for some reason it was important to explain.

'Ok. Jess, there's something important I need to discuss with you.'

Jess looked at him, thinking he looked extremely serious and a shiver ran up her spine as she instantly knew he had bad news. 'You found something else didn't you? When you operated?'her voice shook as she took in how serious he looked.

'We did. I'm really sorry. When we did your blood tests they showed an elevation of a substance called scarcinoembryonic antigen and another called CA 19-9. There's no easy way to say this but it's an indicator of advanced Pancreatic cancer.'

Jess's eyes raised skywards as she tried to compose herself. 'Are you sure?'

'We are. When we sent you for a full body scan to check for internal bleeding we could see a tumour.'

'But you can treat it?' Jason asked, half knowing the doctors answer was going to be no. A member of their road crew had passed away from it a few years earlier and had no symptoms until it was advanced.

The doctor shook his head sadly. These were the conversations he hated the most - having to tell someone they had a terminal illness. 'While we had you under anaesthetic we did a test called an ECRP to look inside the area and found it's advanced and that it has metastasised. You have a secondary tumour on your kidneys. I'm really sorry, Jess.'

'So I have terminal cancer? Is that what you're saying?' Jess whispered, her eyes filling with tears as she realised that was exactly what he was saying.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I am so sorry. We will do our very best to look after you during all of this and keep you comfortable.'

A loud sob caught in Danni's throat as she heard the doctor's words. 'You must be able to do something? Jess is young and fit!'

'I have brought you details of treatments which will help, but it's too advanced to operate. There are drugs we can prescribe to help to deal with the side effects and chemotherapy, but you need to think about whether you want to have chemo. It's a lot to take in and you need time to process everything I've said and take your time to read through all the information and discuss all options.'

'But I don't feel ill. Surely if I was dying I'd feel ill?' Jess couldn't get her head around what the doctor was saying - however sure he seemed.

'Pancreatic cancer is a strange illness. You get very little in the way of symptoms until it's advanced. Did you lose weight recently or feel sick?'

'I lost weight, but I thought it was the extra exercise I was doing. I've felt sick after a big meal now and then, but I just thought it was because I'd been eating less.'

'More than likely it was the illness, Jess. I'm so sorry,' Doctor Clarke replied, looking at her apologetically.

'So how long do you think I have from what you've seen?'

The doctor hesitated. It was always hard to put an exact time on it, but after speaking to his colleague in Oncology who would be looking after Jess they had a fairly good idea. 'Three months. Maybe four with Chemo.'

Jess stifled a sob at the thought of how short the time was. She wanted to be there to see Ruby grow up. To finish school. To hopefully meet the love of her life and have children. All of that was being snatched cruelly away from her.

'I'll leave you to go over the information in your own time and I'll pop down to see you when they move you to the ward just so we can make sure of no after affects from the head wound. If you have any questions here's the phone number of the specialist who will be taking over your care. She will be able to answer any in depth questions you have, but I have asked her to pop along to see you later today. Is that ok?' he asked gently, patting her shoulder as she nodded mutely.

'I'll go and get us a cup of tea,' Danni suggested as the doctor left the room. She knew she needed to give Jason and Jess time to attempt to process what they'd just been told and she knew she couldn't cry in front of Jess. She was the younger sister, but now she needed to behave like the older one and be strong for all of them.


	4. Chapter 4

When Danni came back into the room it was obvious that both Jason and Jess had been crying. In fact, his head was still buried in her shoulder as his chest heaved with tears. Jess's cheek rested against his bent head as he cried in her arms and she still looked completely shell-shocked. 'Am I ok to come back in?' Danni asked softly, not sure whether to disturb them. She'd gone outside in the gardens and found a quiet corner, where she'd sank down onto a wooden bench and sobbed like a baby. Surely there had to be some mistake? she kept asking herself over and over in her head. 

Jess held her other arm out and Danni allowed herself to be folded into Jess's other shoulder as she bit down hard on her bottom lip, drawing blood so she didn't start crying again. 'How come I'm the only one not crying here?' Jess said, attempting a joke to try and cheer them both up. 

Danni pressed her face against Jess's hospital nightdress. 'Jess, how can this be happening to you? You don't deserve this! Ruby doesn't deserve this! They must be wrong...' she choked out, her voice muffled by the cotton.

Jess shrugged sadly, her eyes filling with tears which spilled hotly out of her eyes as she began to speak falteringly. 'I wish I knew the answer to that, but Ive seen the scans with my own eyes and whether I like it or not I'm dying. I just can't bear the thought of Ruby being without me and I need to be strong. She can't see me frightened or down and we have to try to keep things upbeat around her. Both of you have to. Ok?' she tipped Jason's face up to look at her and waited until he nodded. 'You both look like shit,' she whispered, dropping a kiss on his lips and giving him a sad little smile. 'We can't have Ruby turning up and you two looking like you should be admitted into hospital with me, Jay.'

Danni shuffled back slightly on the bed and looked at Jess, her fingertips plucking the sheets nervously. 'So how do you want to play this? Do you want to tell Ruby yourself?'

'Yes. When I'm ready. I need to think everything through, because you know Ruby - I need to have answers to all of her questions. She's so bright and I want to make things as easy as I can for her - not that any of this is going to be easy, but you know what I mean?'

'I think we need to get a second opinion, Jess.' Jason remarked, thinking surely they'd missed something. 'If we have to pay for you to see someone privately, I'm willing to pay as much as it takes for you to be well.'

Jess looked at him gratefully. 'Everyone knows this type of cancer has one of the worst recovery rates and the fact that it's already spread makes things worse. We can always ask when the Oncologist comes to see me, but I'm not going to get my hopes up. If there's nothing else that can be done I'll be using all the time I have left to make sure Ruby feels loved now and in the future.'

Jason's eyes narrowed as he studied Jess. 'Did you know something was up not so long ago?' he wondered whether she'd suspected something was up when she'd made the odd remark here and there.

'In what way?' Jess screwed up her nose as she tried to work out what he was talking about. 

'When we went out for dinner just after we'd first moved in together. You said to me to be there for Ruby and not to let Steve take over - or words to that effect. Have you suspected something was up for a while and never been to see a doctor?' he leant back against the head of the bed, his arms folding in front of him as he studied her.

'No. I just had this really weird feeling that I needed to say it. It was like someone walking over my grave and it happened a few times. I can't explain it, but I was scared and I wanted you to know that I needed you in Ruby's life - even if we're not together. That's even more important to me now, Jay. I know that's a lot to ask of you,' she shrugged helplessly as she tried to convey how she was feeling.

Jason folded her into his arms as gently as he could so he didn't hurt her bruises. 'And you have my word that I'll be there for her. It's not too much to ask of me, because I want to be there,' he rested his chin softly against the soft sheen of her hair.

Three hours later they'd found Jess a bed on a normal ward for observation and once she was settled in the Oncologist had appeared to have a chat with them all. By the time he'd left things were a lot clearer, albeit even worse than they'd originally thought. He'd assured them that getting a second opinion would make no difference in Jess's case, because he'd already consulted with a colleague who was considered to be the best in the field and due to the way it had spread onwards through a main artery it meant surgery was impossible. It was at that point that Jess had broken down completely and Jason had held her tight to his chest as she cried bitter tears. He felt like his heart was going to tear in two with the pain, but desperately tried to hide how he was feeling as he knew she must be utterly devastated. Jess had eventually agreed to a weekly chemo session, but had said she didn't want to start until she'd gone home and told Ruby.

Once the Oncologist had gone and Jess had calmed down, Danni offered to stay with Jess so Jason could go home to collect Maggie and Ruby and bring them to the hospital. Meg had offered to have Daisy for the rest of the day so Danni had one less thing to worry about and could stay as long as she wanted.

After Jason had left to go and collect Ruby and Maggie, Danni went to fetch cups of tea for them both and then settled down on the edge of Jess's bed to drink hers. Picking up Jess's hand, she squeezed it gently before leaning in and cuddling her tightly. Neither said a word, because the hug was words enough to convey everything they both needed to say. Jess was asking Danni to look after Ruby and that's all that mattered and Danni was replying that she would without question do whatever Jess asked of her.

As they pulled apart Jess looked Danni squarely in the eye. 'I was thinking while you were getting the teas.'

'So was I.' Danni replied in response, blowing on her tea to cool it down. 'She had a feeling she knew what Jess was going to ask her as they stared at each other with green eyes which were so similar.

'Ruby.' She fixed Danni with a wan smile. I'd like you to be her guardian because I don't want Steve to come back and remove her from everything she knows. So if you'll agree, I want to make it official as soon as I'm out of this hospital. Would you do that for me?'

'I was going to ask you if you'd thought about Ruby, but I thought you've had so much to think about that it was too soon and I didn't want to upset you, Jess.'

'She is my only thought, Danni. Well, apart from Jay, but he's big enough to look after himself to a certain extent,' she shrugged sadly as she said the words. 'I need Ruby cared for and loved and she's so close to you - you're the closest thing she has to a mother, apart from me. But if Jason wants to be a part of her life I'd really like him to be involved too. Almost like a father figure if both him and Ruby want it and it's ok with you?'

'Of course. He's good for her and she adores him. I think it will be beneficial that she has him to talk to, Jess.' Danni swiftly changed the subject and took another sip of her tea. 'So I was also thinking that if Jay is ok with it I can come and stay when you're home from hospital - me and Daisy. With your leg pinned you'll struggle to do some things and it wouldn't be fair to get Jay to do some of them for you.' She didn't want to verbalise that when Jess also got sicker he may well want someone around to not only help, but to talk to as well. Some of the passing comments he'd made when Jess was having blood taken that morning and out of ear-shot, had hinted to Danni that he was feeling a bit overwhelmed at the thought of caring for her and Ruby.

'I think that would be good. I have some things I'd like to do with regards to Ruby. Letters... that kind of thing so she has things to remember me by. Will you be able to run your business from Jay's instead if he agrees?' she asked, referring to Danni's fledgling ladies clothing design business.

Danni nodded. 'I'm sure it'll work. Besides, he has more space than my poky house. So it'll be fine, but we do maybe need to see how he feels. After all, he's been so used to living alone for ages before he met you, that the thought of suddenly having two women and two kids living with him may be too much for him,' she chuckled at the thought that he might be horrified to have a house full of women.

They were suddenly interrupted by the sight of Ruby hurtling down the ward towards the both, as she caught a glimpse of Jess sitting up in bed at the end of the ward.

'Ruby!' Jess called, wrapping her in the hardest hug she could muster up. 'Oh, I've missed you.'

'I've missed you too, mummy!' Ruby allowed herself to be enveloped in Jess's embrace as Maggie and Jason entered the ward. She jiggled about on the bed in excitement at seeing her mum, not noticing the grimace of pain as Jess's leg was knocked by her bouncing about.

'Ruby!' Jason snapped sharply, trying to catch her attention. 'Your mum has a bad break in her leg. You need to be a bit more gentle around her,' he felt instantly guilty as he saw her face fall at his tone and realised he'd taken out his frustration on her at feeling so helpless about Jess's diagnosis. 'Just be a bit more careful, luv' he added patting her shoulder before sitting down in the chair next to the bed.

'When can you come home?' Ruby looked questioningly at Jess. She loved staying at Danni's house with her cousin Daisy, but it wasn't the same as being with Jess.

'I'm not sure, Ruby,' Jess pushed a stray lock of hair away from her daughter's face. 'They have a few more tests to run and then hopefully tomorrow. As I didn't come around after the accident straight away they have to make sure I'm ok,' she gave her a lop-sided sad little smile, studying her as she tried to drink in all of her features, which she suddenly noticed were changing from their little girl features to a more mature little person in their own right.

'Will I have to stay at Danni's again tonight?' Ruby's full lips trembled just a little. 

'As your mum is a bit better today how about I take you home tonight and then we come back in the morning to hopefully collect her if they say she can come home?' Jason suggested, thinking she'd probably rather be in her own bed surrounded by familiar surroundings.

Ruby nodded enthusiastically and hopped off the bed to give Jason a big hug.

Behind them, Danni cleared her throat to get their attention. 'Jay, how about we go to the concourse and get something to eat so Ruby and mum can have some time with Jess?' she gestured with her head towards the door so that he knew that he should follow her.

Sitting down at the chipped Formica table, Jason pushed a Costa coffee cup across the table towards Danni with his fingertips and gave her a grim smile as she pushed a decidedly rubbery looking tuna baguette in his direction that she'd bought while he got the coffees. 'A good job they have a Costa here, eh?' he joked, examining the wilted lettuce poking out the baguette.

'Yeah we'd die of thirst judging by the sludge they were serving up in the guise of coffee at the sandwich shop.'

'Well, the sandwich looks like it's seen better days.' Jason began to unwrap the baguette slowly, wondering whether he'd end up with Salmonella if he dared to eat it. He stopped what he was doing and looked at her, a serious expression on his face. 'I take it lunch was really a pre-text to speak to me about something to do with Jess?'

'You're pretty perceptive aren't you?' Danni chewed on her bottom lip as he put down his sandwich and looked at her unflinchingly.

'Yeah, I'm not just a pretty face,' he joked and flashed a wry grin at her. 'What did you want to talk about?' he asked, picking the baguette up again.

'You're definitely not that,' she muttered, instantly embarrassed that he might take her joke the wrong way and think she was flirting with him. 'Jess has been speaking to me about Ruby.'

'I thought she might,' Jason sat back in the chair and pushed his sandwich away. 'Just talking about a future without Jess was enough to instantly erase any appetite he had.

'She asked me to be Ruby's guardian.'

'I figured she would,' he looked at her sadly, rapidly averting his eyes so she wouldn't see how the thought of losing Jess was affecting him. They might have only been together for around 6 months, but he loved her, and he knew she was good for him. 

'Are you ok with that?' she reached across the table and laid her hand on top of his to check she had his support.

'Of course! She doesn't want Steve bringing her up and you love her so it makes sense.'

'You'll be welcome to see Ruby whenever you want, Jay. You're more of a father figure to her than Steve ever was.'

He ran his hand through his hair distractedly. 'Do you think he should know about Jess though? You can't just do all this without telling him.'

'Jess said she needs to tell him about her illness. I guess she wants to get home first.' 

'I think I need to speak to him too, Danni. It just feels the right thing to do - so he knows Ruby will be ok and that I'm going to be figuring in her life. I think at least we should meet man to man.'

Danni looked at him as she took a sip of her latte, feeling slightly confused as to why he needed to speak to Steve. 'Does you really need to? After all, this is about Jess and he gave up all rights to Ruby a long time ago. So who Jess decides she wants in Ruby's life going forward has absolutely nothing to do with him. Besides, I don't think he gives a shit anymore.'

'But he may feel different now that Jess has a terminal illness.....'

'And my guess is he may not, Jay.' She looked at him sympathetically, thinking that Jess was unbelievably lucky to have met a man like Jay - a man who always wanted to do the right and fair thing and only ever saw the good in people. She smiled softly at him and continued. 'I get that you only want to do what feels right, but he's a dick. I suggest you tell Jess that you want to meet him or she might not be too happy. But I'm warning you now, she'll be livid if you talk to him behind her back.'

'No, I wouldn't do that. I'll speak to her when she gets home,' he looked down at his paper cup, his fingertips playing with the ridges on the side of it and gave her a wan smile. 'This is bloody killing me, Danni. What we have is so good and I just can't imagine life without her,' he took a deep shuddery breath as he tried to explain his feelings. 'Then I think how much worse it must be for you. She's your big sister, your best friend and keeper of sisterly secrets. All I am is her boyfriend and one that couldn't even tell her he loved her for goodness knows how long.'

Danni laid her hand on his, her fingertips on top of his slim fingers. 'She knows you love her now and that's what's important. Jay, when this illness progresses it's gonna be pretty quick by the sounds of things. Do you think it would be easier if I came to live in and help with her day to day care? I'd need Daisy to come too, but if you can put up with us both I'd like to be there to help. What do you think?'

Jason looked at her as tears began to spill from her eyes at the thought of her sister being so ill. 'Yes please. I'd really appreciate that,' he said softly as he stood up. Danni stood up as he drew her into his arms and they hugged tightly, tears running down both of their faces.


	5. Chapter 5

It was after 5pm when Jason and Ruby arrived home. Jess was beginning to tire and her leg was throbbing with pain, so the nurse came and administered more morphine and so he thought it was the best time to leave her. She'd asked Maggie to stay with her a little longer to keep her company and Jason instinctively knew that Jess wanted to tell her mum what was going on while they were alone together.

Once they'd eaten dinner Ruby was eager to learn some more on the guitar, so they sat down together in the lounge and he taught her the beginnings of a simple tune. He had to admit she was a quick learner as she gave him a gleeful hug once she'd mastered it and could play the tune with no mistakes. 'You're a natural...' he murmered proudly, ruffling her hair.

An hour later they'd read together in Ruby's bedroom and she was already fast asleep by the time Jason got in the shower. As the warm water cascaded down his body it seeped into his knotted shoulder muscles, rolling his head around he let it soak his head and mingle with the salty tears as they coursed down his cheeks. 

The following day Jess rang Jason to say they were allowing her to leave hospital with some strong painkillers for her leg and that she was booked in for her first appointment to start her Chemo treatment three days later.

Before they left for the hospital, Jason rang Danni to tell her he was going to collect Jess. She immediately offered to meet him back at the house later that day to help Jess settle back in.

As they made their way to the hospital, Jason turned the radio down a touch so he could speak to Ruby. 'You'll need to go gentle with mum when she comes home, Ok?' he said, his glance sliding up to the rear view mirror so he could look at her. 'She's had a very serious break to her leg and banged her head.'

'I will. I promise, Jason.' Ruby assured him, grinning back at him in the mirror. 'We won't be going on an aeroplane now?' she asked, guessing Jess wouldn't be up to flying anytime soon.

'No, I'm really sorry Ruby. I had to cancel it last night, but I promise one day I will take you on an aeroplane,' he looked away from the mirror as tears threatened, at the thought that it would be just him and Ruby next time, as Jess would be gone.

'Can I choose where?'

'Yes, I promise you can,' he flicked his glance back to her in the mirror and looked at her, before returning his eyes back to the road as they came up to a well known busy junction.

An hour after Jess was settled back home at home, Danni arrived with Daisy and two large cases as well as the dresses she was halfway through making and all the paraphernalia that she needed to run her clothing design business. 'Is she here?' she asked, as Jason opened the door to her and hugged her warmly.

'Yes, she's in bed. She seems a lot happier being home.'

'Has she said anything yet?'

Jason shook his head sadly. 'No, she was waiting for you to come in case Ruby gets hysterical. I think she figured as you've known Ruby all your life she may want you rather than me,' he led her into the kitchen and began to make a pot of tea for Jess and Danni and a mint tea for himself. 

'Mum is on her way over too with some of my belongings in her car,' she remarked, sitting down at the kitchen table. 'How does Jess seem today?'

'In pain. She was insistent about coming home, because she wants to spend as much time as she can with Ruby, but I think maybe she should have stayed in another day. She mentioned her back aches too when I picked her up from the hospital.'

'That'll probably be the cancer. It's weird when you're diagnosed with something that symptoms you haven't noticed before suddenly appear. When does she start her chemo?' she asked, wrapping her hands around the mug which Jason placed in front of her.

'Monday.' Jason replied with a deep sigh .

'How about I go with her and you stay here with Ruby?' 

'Would you?' he asked, feeling relief at her suggestion.

'Yeah, of course.' Danni looked up as Daisy and Ruby appeared at the kitchen doorway. 'What are you pair up to?' she asked, smiling at them both.

'We were going to watch Frozen.' Ruby replied, twirling her long, dark hair around her finger. 'Can I take mummy's tea in for her?' she asked, noticing Jason was pouring tea in to Jess's special birthday mug with her name on it.

'Yes. I think she needs to speak to you about something important, Rubes.' Jason replied, fighting down the feeling that he wanted to hug her hard before Jess spoke to her properly. 'I'll come in with you as I have some painkillers for her.'

Jess was sitting up in bed when they went in the bedroom with her drink. She patted a spot on the bed, indicating Ruby to sit down next to her and wound her arm around her shoulder so she could hug her hard.

'Do you want me to stay in here or leave you both?' Jason asked, hovering uncertainly next to the bed.'

'Can you leave us alone, Jay?' she lifted her lips up so he could drop a kiss onto them and looked at him gratefully as Ruby sat on the bed, her gaze moving between the two of them as she tried to work out what was wrong. The atmosphere had changed since Jess's accident and she couldn't work out why. They were still loving towards each other, but Jason seemed to suddenly be treating Jess like she was extremely fragile.

Jason nodded, closing the bedroom door softly behind him and went back to the kitchen to keep Danni company. He sat down on the chair, his long legs stretched out in front of him as they shared a look of sadness, knowing Ruby's life would never be the same again.

It was less than a minute later that they both jumped as Ruby shrieked the word "NO" over and over again, each scream of the word louder than the last. Then there was the sound of the bedroom door being slammed so hard that it reverberated around the house and then the unmistakable sound of Ruby crying as she ran down the hallway into her own bedroom. The bedroom door to her room nearly coming off it's hinges as she slammed it shut behind her as she threw herself onto the bed.

'You go to Ruby. I'll go to Jess,' Jason suggested, shoving his mug away from him with such force that his tea slopped over the side of the mug and soaked the wooden table. When he got into the bedroom Jess's eyes were red-rimmed and she was shaking like a leaf. 

'She told me she hates me, Jay!' she wailed, collapsing into his outstretched arms. 

Jason shushed her and hugged her as tightly as he dared, so he didn't hurt her. 'She doesn't hate you. She hates your illness and is understandably frightened.'

'She said she's not going to stay with Danni. She wants to stay here with you.'

Jason stroked Jess's hair gently as she lay in the circle of his arms. 'It's because this is what she knows - living with you and me. She can come here as often as she likes, Jess. I will always be here for her.'

Jess sniffed and wiped her eyes with a tissue. 'Really?'

'Yeah, really,' he dropped a kiss on her forehead and looked down at her. 'Jess, I love you and I love Ruby.' 

There was a soft knock at the door and the sound of Danni's voice at the bedroom door asking if she could speak to them both. 'Um, Jay she's asking for you. I can't calm her down - she's got herself into such a state.'

'Is it worth me trying to speak to her again?' Jess asked, her heart breaking at the thought of Ruby being so upset.

Danni shook her head. 'She's really angry about it all. She'll calm down eventually and accept it, but at the moment she's not thinking straight. Jay seems to have a way of getting through to her.'

Jason got up off the bed and headed in the direction of Ruby's newly painted bedroom. She was lying in bed with the duvet pulled over head and crying like her heart would break. 'Hey, Ruby it's Jay.... are you going to talk to me?' he tapped her shoulder through the duvet, until she appeared from under it. Her face was red raw from crying and she looked utterly devastated as he pulled her into his arms and hugged her, the flat of his hand rubbing rhythmic circles on her back until she eventually stopped crying. 

'I don't want her to die, Jay.'

'Nor do I Ruby, but what she has can't be cured,' he looked down sadly at her as she wrapped her arms around his waist and she settled her head against his shoulder. 'You know that you're the only thing she's talked about since she heard? How we must all look after you. She hasn't once thought about herself - it's you she was worrying about at the hospital.'

'Then I'll stay living with you. If I have to be without my mum I want to be with you.' Ruby's eyes began to fill with tears again and tumble down her face.

Jason wiped away her tears with the pads of his thumbs and looked at her in the eye. 'You know I always speak to you and tell you the truth?' he waited until she nodded before continuing. 'It's not that easy Ruby. Danni is your aunt - your blood relative who loves you very much. I'm a single man with no kids. It just wouldn't be right.'

Ruby's face brightened as a thought crossed her mind. 'But you could marry mummy and then you'd be my dad, so then I could stay,' inside her head she congratulated herself at the idea. To her, it made sense.

Jason's heart sank at her words. 'Ruby, it's not that easy. I would have to adopt you and there's simply not time. Besides, I think your own dad would have something to say about that!' Jason didn't want to also tell her the other reason he couldn't marry Jess. He loved her a lot and she loved him. But he wasn't at a stage where he loved her enough to marry her. He wondered if eventually he would ever love someone in the right way to want to marry them. Possibly at some point in the future it would have happened with Jess, but they simply hadn't been together long enough and he was pretty sure Jess felt the same way.

'But I can stay over sometimes?' Ruby asked in a tiny voice. It felt like her whole life was collapsing in front of her and it terrified her.

'Danni and I will sort something out. I promise. Now, we need to all be brave for your mummy. She wants to spend as much time as she can with you, so how about you go back into the bedroom and hug her so she knows you don't really hate her?' he held her at arms length so she had to look at him and waited until she nodded slowly.

The following morning Jason woke up to find Jess already awake next to him. 'Did you sleep much last night?' he asked her, guessing she hadn't by the looks of the dark circles around her eyes. He shuffled closer to her in the bed and kissed her softly, before sitting up with his back against the headboard.

'Not much. Everything just goes round and round in my mind.'

'Same here. Did you speak to Steve?' He asked, changing the subject as he remembered mentioning to Danni that he wanted to meet him.

'I left a message.'

'And he's not even bothered to ring back?' Jason looked at her aghast. If Steve had once loved her enough to marry her, it was unbelievable that he acted so despicably towards her now.

Jess shook her head slowly. 'Nope. But knowing him it's because he'll be thinking I'll be asking him to reconsider and to now bring her up. That's Steve for you - a totally selfish wanker.'

'I was thinking that I should speak to him, Jess. If I'm going to be sticking around I think I need to meet him - especially if I'm going to be involved with her upbringing. Would you be ok with that?'

Jess looked at him like he was completely bonkers. 'I don't know what you hope to achieve, Jay. But if it makes you feel better I'll give you his number. If you pass me my phone I'll give it to you now.'

The next few days were busy. Jess had an appointment with the hospital physio to start on some exercises for her leg. Afterwards it had been extremely painful and her back ache seemed no better either, so she said she would mention it at her first Chemo session. She hated the feeling of being doped up to the eyeballs she told Jason on more than one occasion. Like him, she'd always been healthy and rarely took painkillers - apart from the odd migraine she had when she took special medication.

On the morning of her first Chemo session Danni accompanied her to the clinic as agreed, whilst Jason and Maggie stayed back at the house, keeping the girls busy filling photo albums. Jess had never got around to doing it when Ruby was younger and had said it was something she wanted to get done now she was ill, so all the photos were in one place for Ruby to look at whenever she wanted.

After talking to the Oncologist about her back pain and having her bloods taken again, she was taken into a room with half a dozen other people all going through the same treatment. She was given some tablets to help alleviate the nausea afterwards and then hooked up to the medication by a kind nurse. Danni took the opportunity to go and fetch them both a cup of tea from the vending machine outside, while the nurse double checked the medication against her notes one last time, before leaving them once she'd introduced Jess to everyone.

Jess sat back in the chair and watched the drip drip of the drugs slowly filtering into her arm and felt sick that something so toxic was supposed to be prolonging her life. She cast her eyes around the room and wondered whether she would lose her red hair like most of the people had in the room. She wondered whether it was at that point Jason would fall out of love with her - when she no longer looked like her. Or whether it would be when her features began to become bloated and distorted from all the drugs. 

A few minutes later Danni re-appeared with a cup of tea for each of them and two packets of biscuits balanced precariously on top of the paper cups. Sitting them down on a little table in front of Jess, she sat down next to her. 'Well this is fun....' she quipped quietly under her breath, in a rubbish attempt to cheer her older sister up. 

'I'm wondering at what point Jay will look at me and detest the way I look and fall out of love with me?' tears clouded her eyes as she whispered the words to her younger sister.

'Jess, do you honestly think Jay is that shallow?'

Jess shrugged sadly. 'He's been surrounded by beautiful women all his life. I'm not stupid.'

'I think you're being very stupid, Jess.' Danni replied, thinking she'd seen first hand how distraught he'd been and how he'd insisted that he was staying the night at the hospital - no matter how uncomfortable it had been to sleep there by her bed. 'If I had a man who looked at me like he does you and has taken on Ruby with no qualms I'd feel very lucky,' she snapped, thinking she'd maybe said too much.

Jess had the good grace to look embarrassed at her little outburst. 'I just can't bear that he'll look at me with pity rather than love.'

'That won't happen.'

Jess felt a thread of relief run through her at Danni's words and painted a smile back onto her face. 'Right, that's the last time you hear me talk like that. Kick my arse if you hear me whinging again!' she then turned to look at Danni mischievously, a smile playing on her lips as she change the subject. 'So, did Gary ever message you after that night out with the girls - when him and Jay were there too?'

'Yes, but he's not my type Jess. So I turned him down when he asked me out.'

'You turned down Gary. Fucking. Barlow? What the hell is wrong with you Danni?'

Danni looked embarrassed as her sister studied her, looking at her like she was truly mad. 'What does he want with someone like me? Someone with a kid?'

'Well he seemed keen! And why wouldn't he be interested? After all, I'm with Jay and I have a kid!' Jess snapped, before swiftly changing the subject. 'I've got the munchies... will you get me some more biscuits?'

Danni nodded and wandered off to the vending machine out in the corridor as Jess picked up Danni's phone and scrolled through until she found Gary's text. Glancing around, she rapidly typed out a reply pretending to be Danni and asked if the offer of a date still stood.


	6. Chapter 6

By the time Jess and Danni arrived home a few hours later after the first chemo session, Jess was already beginning to feel sick and went straight to bed.

'How did it go?' Jason asked, as Danni walked into the kitchen and shot him a tired grin as she flicked the kettle on to make a cup of coffee.

'She's not feeling great. She's gone for a nap and hopefully she'll feel a bit brighter when she wakes up,' Danni remarked, spooning coffee into a mug and turning to see if Jason wanted one too. She retrieved her mobile phone from her jeans pocket as she heard it buzz, indicating that she'd received a text. Her forehead furrowed in confusion as she read the text.

'What's up?' Jason asked as he spotted confusion followed by annoyance cross her face.

'I've received the weirdest text from Gary about a date I supposedly want to go on with him.'

'Oh? I didn't know you liked each other in that way.'

'Well he asked me on a date after we met you both on that night out when you and Jess had first got together. I turned him down and he's just texted me out of the blue saying he'd love to take me out,' she angled the phone so he could read it.

'Seems a bit random to me. Are you sure you didn't accidentally ring him and he thinks you've had a change of heart?'

Danni scrolled through her call list and shook her head before returning back to the text and scrolling upwards. There, as plain as anything was a message supposedly from her saying she'd had a change of heart and would like to go on a date with him. She huffed loudly and then laughed, rolling her eyes at Jason. 'I think my big sister is trying to play matchmaker. I reckon she sent this while I went and got our drinks at the hospital,' she showed him the message she was supposed to have sent and shook her head in wonderment that Jess had texted Gary pretending to be her.

'So what did Gaz say?' Jason asked, chuckling at Jess daring to take matters into her own hands to try and find love for Danni.

'He said he has a lot on his plate at the moment with touring and a new girlfriend, so he's blown me out anyway. Not that I'm too upset. He's lovely and all that, but he's not my type.'

'And what is your type? Jason asked, curiosity getting the better of him. So many girls fancied Gary he was amazed that Danni wasn't one of them.

'He's dead handsome, but he's not tall enough for me,' she gestured towards her 5 foot 7 inch frame as she stood leaning against the worktop so he got what she meant. 'To be honest I don't know what my type is any more - apart from tall, because I've been on my own so long I've forgotten what my type is.'

'And Daisy's dad?'

Danni blushed bright red. 'Um, one night stand when I was going through a very rebellious stage. I wouldn't know him now if I bumped into him in the street,' she took a sip of her coffee, feeling embarrassed at admitting she had no idea who Daisy's dad was. She looked away and swiftly sent a text to her mum to say Jess was ok, but feeling ill so not to call over. She thought at least she didn't have to look at him if she looked busy, in case he was judging her badly for getting herself pregnant from a one night stand.

The rest of the week passed by in a busy blur of hospital appointments for Jess. She had more physio and more Chemotherapy and as she had been fit and healthy before her diagnosis they had her on a combination of different treatments. Midway through the week she began to be sick and unable to keep food and fluids down. This went on for days and Jason and Danni were beginning to seriously worry about her as she seemed to go downhill very quickly. At the beginning of the second week she started to feel marginally better when there was a gap in her treatments for a few days and she managed to start eating and drinking fluids again. Then her lips became dry and sore and mouth ulcers popped up all over her gums and inside her mouth. She felt like shit and once again she was struggling to eat. Jason and Danni were sick with worry as the weight dropped off her at an alarming rate.

As the next month began, Jess had a week off her chemo cycles and began to feel better. Her appetite returned and she felt ravenous all the time. While she had renewed energy she kept busy and rapidly ticked off one job at a time from her long list of things she wanted to do in the short amount of time she had left. She wrote letters to Ruby, dating each envelope with her birthday and the age Ruby would be on that day. In each letter she shared funny stories and told her how proud of her she was. Her final two letters were simply entitled "Ruby's wedding day" and "Ruby's first baby." 

At the end of the week, she asked Danni and Jason to take her to Twenty Stories for lunch - the bar where he had taken her for their first date as she said she wanted to drink Raspberry Tart cocktails as she'd done that night. Maggie was taking Daisy and Ruby to the cinema so they could have a few interrupted hours together.

On the Saturday morning Jason rang ahead and booked a table for the three of them while Jess showered. He was glad to see she seemed a lot brighter in herself and was looking forward to spending time with her - even though she'd insisted she wanted Danni to join them. As he sat in the kitchen while he waited for her to finish showering, his thoughts turned to how he felt about her. It had been bittersweet that morning as they lay in bed together and had kissed and cuddled almost like Jess wasn't ill at all. He knew from now on just a kiss now and then was the most intimate they could be, but he didn't care. If someone said to him that he could just kiss her for the rest of his life, he suspected he'd have agreed just to have her with him for longer.

They arrived at the restaurant at 1pm. Jess insisted she was strong enough to use her crutches to get from the car to the restaurant and both Jason and Danni knew not to argue with her when she wore her look of grim determination. The waiter took them to their table and Jess sat down, making sure that Jason and Danni were facing her so she could look at them both directly.

'So what's this all about, Jess?' Danni asked, narrowing her eyes as she studied her sister suspiciously. She'd known Jess for long enough to know something was up.

'I'm feeling the best I have done in over a month. I just wanted to go out for dinner,' Jess said enigmatically, an innocent smile playing across her lips as the waiter handed them all menus and rapidly disappeared to take an order from the next table.

'So I'm gooseberry to you two. I'd have thought if you're feeling better you'd want to go on a romantic with Jay.' Danni laughed, winking at Jess so she knew she didn't really mind being dragged along with the two of them. 'Don't start snogging the face off each other if you're feeling more like yourself, Jess!' she continued, teasing the two of them as Jess flushed scarlet in colour.

The waiter reappeared with their drinks and took their food order before disappearing again. 'I did ask if we could come out today together as I have some things I need to discuss with you both about the future.' Jess remarked, her hand touching her handbag which still sat on her lap.

'I knew it....' Danni muttered out of the corner of her mouth and a knowing glance flitted between her and Jason.

Reaching into her handbag, Jess pulled out two white envelopes and lay them on the table in front of her, just as they were interrupted by the waiter bringing their starters. She pushed the envelopes to one side, thinking it could wait until they'd finished eating.

'Are you going to tell us what's in those envelopes? I'm hoping for a cheque worth a million pounds. What about you Jay?' Danni joked, pointing her fork at the envelopes as she once more tried to cover up how upsetting she found Jess's calm acceptance of her short time left.

Jason shrugged sadly. He had a faint suspicion of the kind of thing they contained and he also found Jess's calm acceptance both upsetting and confusing in equal measure. 'I don't need a cheque for a million pounds. I just want you well, babe and that's not going to happen,' he glanced away, so that he didn't have to look at either of them as he felt a lump appear in his throat.

Jess took a bite of her Bruschetta and hesitated as she chewed. She wondered how exactly to word all the things she wanted to say. There were just so many thoughts which had flitted through her mind over the last few weeks and she needed to verbalise it all. Pushing an envelope towards both of them, each bearing their name, she swallowed the bread and gave them a small smile. 'These are for you. I want you to open them on the first anniversary when I'm gone.'

'Why?' Jason asked, his fingertips resting on the paper of the sealed envelope as he asked the question. He wondered what the significance was with the date she mentioned.

'Please. Just do as I ask, Jay!' she looked at him in exasperation. 'It's just something I want you both to do for me. If your heads are both in a good place before that then you can open them earlier, but I want you to open them when you're both in agreement that you're in that good place head-wise and on the same day.'

Danni looked totally bewildered at the envelope as it lay in front of her. 'Jess, my head won't ever be in a good place knowing that you're gone!'

Jess looked at Danni crossly. 'You know what I mean! There will come a day when you accept it and you can talk about me and not get upset.'

Danni looked at her sadly and nodded, knowing that Jess wanted her to agree to do as she asked. 'Did you finish all the letters for Ruby?' she asked, pushing her food around her plate. She didn't really feel like eating, but knew Jess had been looking forward to going out to eat so thought she'd better try and keep up the facade that she was enjoying the food.

Jess finished eating her Bruschetta and nodded. 'Yeah, that was the hardest thing I've ever had to do,' she said, her voice barely audible as she wiped away a tear as it began to course down her cheek.

Jason reached across the table and held her hand in his, knowing how hard it had been. He'd found her in floods of tears a couple of times when he'd come into the bedroom when she'd been writing them all and filing them in date order in a pretty wooden box with Ruby's name painted onto it.

She shot him a watery smile and took a deep breath as his fingers wound themselves around hers, as she waited for the waiter to clear their plates before speaking. 'Jay, I have a favour to ask you?'

Jason's eyebrows raised in surprise. 'It depends what it is....' he trailed off, wondering where all this was leading.

'As you know, Danni is going to be Ruby's guardian and you know I want you to still have contact with Ruby? Well if you're still in her life when she grows up and meets whoever she wants to marry I want you to give her away - that's if Ruby is happy with that and Steve hasn't suddenly decided to actually be a decent father after all.'

'Jess, I'd be honoured.' Jason felt inexplicably proud at being asked to do something so important and unbelievably touched at the same time.

Their main meal arrived and for a few moments they ate in silence as Jess tried to work out how to word the rest of what she wanted to say. Taking another breath, she began to talk. 'So I have two months if I'm lucky and the one thing I've learnt from this is that life is bloody short and you need to grab happiness when you see it. She looked first at her sister, her eyes appealing to her sister to understand what she was trying to say. 'Danni, do whatever you have to do in life to be happy. If you find happiness with someone grab it and don't let it go.' She then turned to look at Jason, her heart in her mouth to say the words she was about to say. 'I want you to be happy. I don't want you to be alone and I want you to do whatever you have to do to find love again.'

'Why are you saying all this? I can't think of anyone else, but you.' Jason's voice rose in emotion as he stared at her not comprehending what was going on, his handsome face looking at her in confusion.

'Because I want you both to be witnesses to what I'm telling you both to do. I'm telling Danni to open her heart to a man for once in her life and for you to do the same if you meet a woman you like. If Danni knows I've given my blessing she'll kick you up the arse if you meet someone nice and start feeling guilty or try to end it if it gets too heavy for you. After all Jay.... I know how you think too much about everything.' she finished, hoping she hadn't said too much.

'Jess, I can't do this. It's seriously fucking with my head hearing you talk about it being ok to find someone else,' Jason snapped, standing up and sending his chair skittering across the polished wooden floor as he turned on his heel and left the restaurant without a backwards glance.

'Well that went swimmingly, didn't it?' Jess rubbed her eyelids with her fingertips and swallowed away a wave of tears which threatened.

'Well, how did you expect it to go? You basically told him to get over you as soon as he can and go and fuck someone else! Did you expect him to say thank you and go find a likely candidate the week after you're gone? What the hell were you thinking?' Danni's voice was a hiss as she tried to not be too loud so other diners overheard them.

'Do you think I want to think about him telling someone else he loves them? To think of him making love to someone else and looking at them like he looks at me? It kills me, Danni. But I want him to be happy and find someone who loves him even more than me.'

Danni's mouth dropped open at Jess revealing her inner-most thoughts. 'You're a lot braver than me. I couldn't do that. And while we're on the subject... I hope you weren't meaning Gary when you were banging on about me meeting someone special?'

'Why?' Jess's face was a picture of innocence as she asked the question.

'You sent him a text, didn't you?'

'Did I?'

'You know you did! Well, he has a girlfriend and he's not interested.'

'I just want you to be happy and meet someone better than Simon.' Jess referred to the last boyfriend that Danni had gone out with five years earlier who seemed to have put her off men totally, after he had given her a split lip and black eye when they'd argued. Thankfully Danni had the sense to throw him out, but she'd not really let anyone back into her life again since.

'And I'm sure I will one day, Jess. Don't worry about me.'

'That's what big sisters do.' Jess replied, reaching across and squeezing Danni's hand supportively just as her phone buzzed. Picking it up, she saw it was a text from Jason and just contained the word "Sorry" and was swiftly followed by another stating "I love you. Can I come back and join you?"

Jess swiftly texted back the words "I love you too. Of course you can. If not, we're stuck here as you drove us here."


	7. Chapter 7

The rest of the week Jess felt a lot better. In her heart of hearts she knew it was the calm before the storm and that once the chemo started again she was going to feel extremely ill again and the thought frightened her. In fact, she was absolutely terrified, but she didn't want Jason, Danni and most of all Ruby to know how she felt, so she kept quiet and tried not to think about it.

Jason had eventually got hold of Steve and arranged to go and meet him on the day Danni was taking Jess to hospital for her next chemo session. Danni had taken over the job of taking Jess to chemo sessions and Jason took her to physio and it worked well for them all.

The day dawned when Jason was due to meet Steve. He knew from how Jess and Danni spoke about him that he wouldn't make the effort to travel to Manchester, so Jason had said he would meet him in a bar of his choice in the town where he lived. It was a three hour drive, but he didn't care. He'd have driven to the ends of the earth to make things easier for Ruby when Jess was gone. He needed to know that Steve wasn't going to cause problems a year or so down the line and disrupt Ruby's life.

As he drew up in the car park of the White Hart Inn set by the river near Newnham on Severn, he realised he felt nervous about meeting the man who Jess had been married to. She'd described what he looked like and they'd arranged to meet at one of the wooden tables overlooking the River Severn.

Sitting down at the table, Jason took a sip of his sparkling mineral water and took in the surroundings. He'd deliberately arranged it so he was there already when Steve turned up. A breeze played with his hair as he slipped his favourite shades over his eyes and gazed out over the water. Checking his watch, he realised Jess would be just about to start her chemo, so he sent her a text telling her he loved her and would be home as soon as his meeting with Steve was over. As he put his phone back down on the wooden table, he saw a man making his way past the other tables and guessed he must be Steve. He was around ten years younger, with Sandy blonde hair and angular features and of a similar height and build to himself. Standing up, he held his hand out to shake Steve's - even if it went totally against what he'd normally do with someone he couldn't stand.

Sitting down opposite Jason, he pointed at his glass. 'Do you want another one?'

'No, I'm fine.' Jason looked down at his half full glass and removed his sunglasses to study Steve closer.

'So you're Jason?' Steve asked, his gaze raking him up and down and noting that Jason was much better looking than he was. He realised that he looked strangely familiar, but couldn't work out from where.

'Yes, that's me.' Jason replied simply, as he tried to weigh up how to approach the subject of Ruby.

'Jess isn't with you then?' Steve asked, looking around like he half expected her to suddenly appear.

'No. She's at the hospital having her chemo,' Jason swallowed down a feeling of genuine dislike for the man. He was cocky and confident and he wondered already whatever Jess had seen in him.

'Ah, yeah. She messaged me to tell me. Not sure why. It's not like we're married anymore or anything,' Steve shrugged expansively, making it obvious that he really didn't know, understand or care about Jess's situation. 

'No, but she thought you should know,' Jason tried to keep his tone calm that Steve was so uncaring. He hadn't even asked how either Jess or Ruby were, he realised.

Steve took a slurp of his beer and held up a pack of cigarettes. 'Do you mind if I smoke?' he asked, not even waiting for Jason to reply before lighting up and taking a deep drag. He cocked his head to one side and looked directly at Jason. 'So why are you here?'

'Well now that Jess is seriously ill it changes things. Ruby has two more weeks of her school holidays left. Do you want to have any contact with her now that Jess is ill? I'm sure Jess would be really grateful if you offered to help with Ruby - she might not take you up on it, but even the gesture would have been nice.' Jason remarked, thinking what a selfish individual Steve was. Everything Jess had said about him had been right.

Steve sat back in the seat and took another drag of his cigarette, deliberately blowing the smoke in Jason's direction. 'You seem to be very worried about Ruby's welfare. Any particular reason?' he asked, his tone cool as he replied to Jason's question, deliberately making sure he didn't give an answer to the sentence about helping out. 'Hang on, are you going to marry Jess and want to adopt Ruby? Is this what all this is about?' he asked suddenly, thinking Jason must have an ulterior motive for wanting to meet with him.

Jason shook his head and looked sad, thinking again what a thoroughly nasty piece of work Steve was. 'No. She doesn't have enough time left to do that and we haven't known each other long enough. But Danni is going to be Ruby's guardian and Jess has asked me to stay in Ruby's life. I think a heck of a lot of Ruby - almost like a daughter, but I don't want to be stepping on your toes.'

'You won't be stepping on my toes. I've already signed away all rights as I didn't want to pay maintenance or see her. My life here is too complicated and Cheryl doesn't like her. She's a brat when she's at ours.' He grinned nastily as he saw Jason flinch when he called Ruby a brat and knew he'd hit a nerve. 

Before Jason could reply, two women walked past their table and did an obvious double-take as they saw him there, elbowing each other and staring backwards at him as they walked past. A minute later they came back and stopped beside the table.

'It's you, isn't it?' the younger of the two women asked nervously.

'I think you've got me muddled with someone else,' Jason replied coolly and turned back to continue his conversation with Steve, completely blanking the two women as they stood there staring at him.

'You're Jason Orange aren't you? From Take That?' the same woman persisted and shoved a phone under his nose which showed his face on Google Images - almost like she was trying to remind him of who he'd been in the past. 'See... that's you!'

'I can see that's me, thanks. But I'm not him any more so could you please leave me in peace?' Jason swivelled his eyes back to them and appealed to them silently with his eyes to leave him alone.

'Can we have a photo and autograph?' the other woman asked, totally ignoring Jason's request to be left alone.

'No. I'm no longer with the band and I don't do photos or autographs.' Jason snapped, before angling his body away from them to indicate the conversation was over. He heard a loud huff from one of them, before they both turned on their heels and walked away.

When he raised his eyes to look at Steve's face he could see a look of triumph cross his face as he realised where he knew him from. 'I knew I'd seen you somewhere, mate! You're bloody loaded!' he crowed at the top of his voice.

'I'm not your mate!' Jason replied with barely suppressed fury. 'I've come to tell you that I'm going to be helping bring Ruby up. She's not a brat. She's a great kid and I want her to have a decent father figure in her life. Unlike you! I thought it was only polite that you meet the man who will be helping to bring up your daughter. I can see I've wasted my time here.'

'Jess sure as hell fell on her feet with you, didn't she? No wonder she didn't put up too much of a fight when I said I wasn't paying maintenance! Fucking you obviously has it benefits!' Steve took one final drag of the cigarette before stubbing it out.

'That has nothing to do with it. She insisted on working an extra day to make up for you stopping the payments.' Jason replied, trying to keep calm as Steve accused his own ex wife of being a gold digger.

'So she's not tried to drag you up the aisle before she's gone then? That does surprise me, because I'd have thought she'd be intelligent enough to make sure Ruby is provided for. Silly Jess....' Steve shook his head in wonderment and looked out over the water as he did so, before swivelling his gaze back to Jason. He took a swallow of his beer, swilling the dregs around in the bottom of his glass and fixed Jason with a serious expression. 'Be my guest to bring up Ruby and you can do whatever you want. She's no longer my little problem,' he then drained his glass and looked at Jason pointedly. 'Are we having another one?' he asked, holding his empty glass up and raising his eyebrows in question.

'I think we're pretty much done here, don't you?'

'Well, not quite.' Steve clicked his fingers at a passing waitress and ordered another beer. 'Want another?' he asked. When Jason shook his head Steve told the waitress to put it on Jason's tab. 'I don't have a lot of money and I'm sure you can afford a pint for Ruby's dad, eh?' he joked, knowing Jason wouldn't say no - after all, he'd made it obvious he would do anything to keep Ruby happy.

'What else is there to say, Steve? I've told you I'm bringing Ruby up and you've said yes.'

'Yeah, for a price. Do you really think I'm just going to hand my kid over to you and Danni to look after?'

'Well it didn't stop you signing her over to Jess when it suited you. What's different now? Jess has made her wishes clear. I'm just being polite in coming here to introduce myself.'

Steve lit up another cigarette and took a deep drag as the waitress re-appeared with another beer and put it down in front of him. 'Well money is what's different now.' Steve said, stating the obvious, as he flicked the ash over the fence into the river and took a swallow of the fresh beer.

'How much?' 

'How much is Ruby worth to you?' Steve asked, resting his chin in his palm and smirking. He picked up his phone and began to play with it. 'How about I Google the words how much is Jason Orange worth? That would be a good starting point,' he scrolled with his thumb and grinned at the information as it appeared. 'According to this it's £30 million. Sound about right?'

Jason's face visibly paled as he could see where this was going and wished he'd never opened up the can of worms. Jess had been right when she'd told him not to contact Steve and now he had to admit it she'd been right. 'How much will it take to shut you up and keep you out of Ruby's life forever?' he asked, his heart sinking at Steve's face, which by now bore a look of intense happiness.

'Hmm... I reckon a million would do it.'

Jason let out a loud burst of laughter. '£100,000.'

'You're having a fucking laugh. That's a drop in the ocean compared to the fortune you're sitting on!' Steve sneered at him.

'Steve, you can't just hide £1 million without someone asking questions.'

'That's not really your problem, is it? You want Ruby and I want money. £500,000.'

'£300,000.' Jason snapped, his fingers curling into a fist as he tried to fight down the thought that he just wanted to punch Steve.

'Done!' Steve leant across the table, his hand out to shake Jason's hand.

'Write me down your address and email and I'll get my solicitor to draw something up to say it'll be a one off payment. This doesn't get back to Jess or Danni, Ok?' he completely ignored Steve's outstretched hand.

'Nice doing business with you.' Steve replied and nodded, his mouth twisting up into a satisfied grin as he already began planning how to spend it.

'This will be a one off payment and will be described as a gift, ok? And I don't want to see or hear from you ever again. You're not to contact Ruby or Danni. When Ruby is older if she wants contact with you then you don't ever talk about it. Is that clear?' Jason looked him in the eye and waited for Steve to nod in agreement.

Making their way back to the car park, Steve hesitated as they reached Jason's car. 'So how is Jess?'

'Not great. She's struggling with chemo as it makes her so ill.' Jason replied politely. He didn't want to tell Steve too much, because he couldn't stand the man.

'And Ruby?'

Jason took a deep shaky breath. 'Not great either. She's about to lose the most important person in her life,' he raked his hand through his hair and looked down at the gravel, not wanting Steve to see how desolate the thought of losing Jess was to all of them.

'Well Danni will be pleased.' Steve murmered quietly, so quiet that Jason only just caught the remark.

'What did you just say?' Jason's eyes swivelled up from the gravel which he'd been staring at.

'Nothing.' 

'No, you said something about Danni. What was it?'

'Danni will be pleased. Not about losing her sister, but the fact that she's fell on her feet with the situation.'

'In what way?' Jason asked coldly, wondering how Steve was going on about.

'Well come on.... you'll be helping her financially if she is looking after Ruby, won't you? If I were you I'd make sure you get a return for your money.'

Jason's mouth dropped open at Steve's audacity, as he spoke about Danni with no respect whatsoever. 'She's Jess's sister!'

'And? Surely you've noticed how sexy she is? I was kinda disappointed I met Jess first, but Danni was never interested. She made that obvious right from the start.'

'You tried it on with her?' Jason's mind was a mass of confusion as to why Steve would say what he was saying.

'I wouldn't have dared. Didn't stop me wanting to though.' Steve laughed and winked at Jason as if they were friends. 'I bet she'd drop them in double quick time. She always was a slut when she was young. Why would she be any different now? I mean, what kind of woman doesn't know who her kids' father is?'

At his final insult Jason saw red. He couldn't listen to any more of the awful stuff Steve was saying. Stepping forward, he grabbed Steve by the throat and pushed him back against his car. 'How fucking dare you!' he said through gritted teeth.

'All true though,' Steve replied, his mouth twisting up into a dirty grin just as Jason's fist cracked into his mouth as he punched him hard to shut him up. 'What the fuck did you do that for?' Steve's eyes widened as he realised that he'd said too much and for someone who wasn't heavily built, Jason had a good right hook on him. Blood spurted out of his split lip and splattered all over the gravel.

'For what you've done to Jess and Ruby!' Jason remarked grimly, before taking another well aimed punch and knocking him to the ground. 'And that one's for calling Danni a slut!' he then turned on his heel, leaving Steve in a heap on the floor and bleeding profusely from the second hit to his nose. 'I'll be in touch about your money!' he threw over his shoulder as he walked away, got in the car and drove off leaving him to pick himself up from the gravel.


	8. Chapter 8

As Jason drove home, his anger slowly dissipated and he wished he hadn't allowed Steve to goad him so much that he'd hit him. He'd always prided himself that he wasn't a person who'd got into physical fights. Now that the adrenaline had worn off his fist really hurt and he knew he'd need to put an ice pack on it when he got back home, as it was already swelling. He dreaded to think what Jess would say when he confessed that he'd punched Steve not once, but twice.

The house was in silence when Jason got home three hours later, so he assumed Ruby and Daisy were still at the cinema with Maggie and that Danni and Jess were still at the hospital. As he retrieved a packet of frozen peas to wrap around his hand, he heard a door softly open and close and looked around as Danni padded into the kitchen. 'Oh, I thought you were still out,' he remarked, as he closed the freezer door and attempted to hide his hand behind his back.

'No, we're back. Jess is feeling awful. She was throwing up before I even got her home today Jay and she's been throwing up ever since we got home - not that there's anything left to bring up. There's a part of me that thinks this chemo is just too much and what's the point in her going through all this to buy herself time, but she's so ill throughout it all. What's the point?'

'Yeah, I know what you mean. It kills me to see her so ill afterwards,' he winced as he tried to wrap the peas around his knuckles without Danni seeing what he was doing.

'Jay, what's going on?' Danni narrowed her eyes as she spotted him wince. 'What's going on behind your back?' she stepped forward and held her hand out so that he had no choice but to show her his hand.

'I hit him twice,' he looked at the floor, his face burning with shame. 'I feel awful that I stooped down to his level. But I bust is lip and nose.'

Danni examined his hand and shook her head wryly at him. 'He pressed all your buttons, eh? He's good at that. Well, you're lucky I don't think you've broken it,' she murmered as her fingers touched his knuckles and hand, turning it over slowly.

'Yep. Pressed buttons like you wouldn't believe. He was just so rude about you all.' He deliberately omitted to tell her that he'd ended up paying Steve off to leave them alone.

'I can imagine,' Danni said grimly and twisted her lips up in distaste as she thought how much she disliked Steve. 'Let me guess...Jess is a gold-digger, he wants nothing to do with Ruby and I'm a whore.'

'Fuck, are you a mind reader, Danni?' Jason snorted with incredulous laughter as she hit the nail bang on the head.

'No, I just know Steve well from the few years he was with Jess. He's a twat.'

'And that's why I hit him.'

'Well thanks for defending us. Though maybe don't tell Jess, as she'd hate to think of you and him fighting. Me, I have no shame so I think it's funny. Especially that you hurt him, because he deserves all he gets.'

Jason grinned at her and blushed as he handed her the pack of peas. 'I'm going to check on Jess, can you put this away for me?'

As he walked into the bedroom he realised she was in the bathroom. Softly knocking on the door, he pushed it open gently and dropped down beside her, sweeping her hair away from her face as she sat beside the toilet. 

'Jay, I don't know how long I can do this for. What's the point in most of my time left on this earth being spent throwing up? It's not going to save me and I just feel so ill,' she burst into noisy tears as he cradled her in his arms, his lips kissing the top of her head as he did so. 

'So you get to be with Ruby for longer. That's why,' he assured her, wishing he knew what to say to make her feel better.

'But what's the point if all it means is me being too ill to do anything? I want my time to be quality time and this isn't it!'

'Well maybe we need to talk to your doctors and see what they say, Jess. Only you can make that decision,' he replied softly as he looked down at her as she sat in the circle of his arms.

'Will you stay with me and talk to me? I'm scared,' Jess whispered, as he held her tightly in his arms and cuddled her to him.

'Of course. As long as you want me to,' he assured her, shuffling behind her on the tiled floor to try and make himself more comfortable. 

Two hours later he stretched his leg muscles out. He'd collected up the bed pillows for them to sit on and sat with his arms around her as she alternated between being sick and sleeping fitfully. She was now fast asleep in his arms, so he woke her gently and put her to bed, tucking the duvet around her and kissing her forehead gently before he left the room.

An hour later when he went to check on her she was awake and looking a bit brighter and he felt a wave of relief run through him as she asked for a cup of tea and said she was going to have a shower.

He was busy making her drink when he heard a wail come from the direction of their bedroom. Running into the bathroom, he could hear her softly crying as he reached her as she stood in shock in front of the bathroom mirror. Strands of red hair were littered all over the sink almost like gossamer. 'My hair!' she said simply, gesturing at all the hair everywhere. 'It's coming out! Look! All I did was brush it and it's literally everywhere.'

'Oh, Jess. I'm so sorry,' he said, trying to soothe her as she cried in his arms. He knew that she loved her beautiful curly red hair and it had been one of the first things he'd noticed when they'd met on the night of Parents' evening. He looked into her eyes. 'It's you we all love. Not your hair. You'll always be beautiful to me.'

'Will you get Danni to shave it off for me, Jay?' Jess asked, her voice shaking as she laid her arms on his forearms, her fingertips brushing against the hairs that lay on them.

'If that's what you want. Do you want to do it now or pre-warn Ruby first?'

'I've already pre-warned her it might happen. So get her to do it now. I want it over and done with before I change my mind,' Jess replied decisively, as he kissed her forehead softly.

'I'll love you with or without hair, Jess.'

'Thank you. That means a lot to me, Jay,' she replied sadly as she nestled in the curve of his arms as he held her tightly to him.

Later that evening Danni shaved Jess's hair and then they wound a turban around her head to hide her hair loss. They made an appointment for the end of the week so that Jess could talk through how she was feeling about continuing her chemo treatment. She felt awful the rest of the week and had no energy, with mouth ulcers everywhere in her mouth and couldn't eat because of the pain from them. Again the weight was dropping off at an alarming rate on her slim frame and Jason was relieved when the appointment came around at the end of the week. He voiced his concerns to Danni over breakfast that morning that she looked so ill and he'd noticed that morning that her eyes were a very faint shade of yellow. He knew from all the reading up he'd done online that jaundice was a side effect of the cancer and it meant the chemo by now wasn't buying her the extra time anyway.

Jason drove them both to the hospital on the Friday morning, trepidation running through him at the thought of what the oncologist would have to say. He wasn't stupid and knew in his subconscious that the news wasn't going to be good from everything he'd read about the illness. He just hoped he could be strong enough for Jess and Ruby. He glanced over at Jess as he drove and wondered what was going through her mind. She looked so calm and composed and he thought she was the strongest and bravest woman he'd ever met.

An hour later as they sat together on a wooden bench in the park nearby, Jess looked at Jason and angled her body towards him as she took his hands in hers. 'I'm feeling relieved. No more Chemo. No more Physio. I'm done with it.' She knew she should be wanting to fight with every ounce of her being, but it was pointless. There was no doubting that the tumour had grown - despite the Chemo and nothing could stop it. They would be admitting her later that day to have a procedure called a Bilial stent as the tumour was now affecting her liver and it would help make her comfortable.

Jason's shoulders shook as he pulled her into an awkward hug and burst into helpless tears. He could feel how fragile she now felt in his arms as she'd lost so much weight. 'I wish I could have met you earlier. I could have loved you for longer, Jess,' he whispered against her ear. 

'And we know that would never have happened as you were in the band, Jay. What we've had has been beautiful. But one day I want you to have that with someone else too. Someone who will love Ruby too hopefully - if she can love another woman's child.'

'Don't talk like that, Jess....' Jason felt like his heart was going to break at her words. He couldn't imagine falling in love with anyone else and he didn't want to think about it.

'Jay, one day you have to lock me away in a little corner of your heart and find someone. And you must not feel guilty. No matter who it is,' she reached up and ran her fingertips along his stubble. 'I am so very glad I met you, Jay but you deserve happiness. Never, ever forget that.'

'Can we talk about something else? This is too bloody morbid,' he ran a hand distractedly through his hair. Her talking about him finding love after she was gone was seriously fucking with his mind and he couldn't work out why she had now said words along these lines for the second time.

Jess looked at him sadly. 'Ok. Are you finding it ok having Danni and Daisy staying? Us women aren't doing your head in too much are we?'

Jason picked up the paper coffee cup which sat next to him on the wooden bench and shook his head. 'No, I actually wonder how I managed to live alone for so long. My house is now a home. I was actually thinking of offering to let Danni and Daisy stay, y'know when...' he couldn't carry on with the final words which were when she was gone.

Jess's eyebrows raised a notch at his confession. She had to admit that she hadn't been expecting that bit of news. 'And would you also stay there?'

'No. I'll go back to my flat and they can have the house. Ruby will then be more comfortable as it'll be familiar surroundings and then she could come to stay with me maybe at weekends if she likes.'

'And you've spoken to Danni about this?' she asked, thinking that surely Danni would have said something to her if he had.

Jason shook his head slowly. 'No. I was going to mention it later.'

'When I'm gone?' Jess said, her voice barely audible as she reached across him and picked up her coffee cup.

Jason nodded curtly, not trusting himself to speak as she looked at him and tried to pretend that she wasn't surprised. 

'I think it's very generous and kind. You don't know how much it means to me to hear you'd do that for not only Ruby, but my sister too. She's been dealt a pretty crap hand in life in the past and has struggled to bring Daisy up without relying on the state. Thankfully her business is just starting to take off, but it's not been easy.'

'I know. Do you think she'll be insulted? Y'know like I'm being condescending if I offer her the house rent free?'

'I think she'll be very touched, Jay. She's not voiced it, but I know the thought of bringing Ruby up on her own is worrying her, so this would be a big load off her mind.'

'I'm doing it because I love you very much and I also love Ruby very much,' he drew her into his arms and they shared a bittersweet kiss.

Jess pulled back and studied him. 'And I love you too...', she said simply and dropped a final kiss on his lips. 'Right, we'd better get home so I can get my things packed so they can get this op done.'


	9. Chapter 9

TWO MONTHS LATER - OCTOBER 

Jason heaved a huge sigh and flopped down on the sofa, dragging his black tie off with his fingers as he did so. Ruby closely followed behind and sat down next to him, shuffling tightly alongside him so that she could cuddle into the crook of his arm. She wound her arms around his waist, almost like a limpet as she hung onto the person who had been there steadfast for her since Jess had been ill. He'd cuddled her when she was feeling down, talked to her when Jess had gone in the hospice in the last few weeks before she'd passed away and dried her tears on the many nights when she'd cried, as Jess became more and more ill. Not once had he shown how confused and upset seeing her mum being so ill had made him feel. Instead, he'd tried to stay as upbeat and strong as he could for her.

In the first few weeks after Jess had refused any more Chemo, she had been able to go out on small trips to the park and cinema with Ruby and Jason and it felt like life was normal again for a little while. The Bilial stent had meant she could eat a little again and she could appreciate the time they had together. Gary and Howard, along with Howard's wife Jo and had driven up to see them constantly once they heard about Jess and Jason didn't know what he would have done without the support network they'd formed around him like a cocoon. Jo and Jess had talked at length alone and Jess had found that their easy friendship was one where she could open up and tell Jo about how scared she was by what was gradually happening to her. The pains in her back told her that she didn't have long left as she felt like it was invading her body bit by bit and the painkillers were beginning not to work. His mum and step-dad and Jess's mum Maggie had been there throughout, so he'd felt fully supported at the worst time in his life.

Jason's mind was brought back to the present as he heard Ruby whisper that she loved him as she cuddled up to him. 'I love you too, Rubes. Your mum would have been so proud of you today,' he stroked her hair and dropped a kiss onto the top of her head. Both he and Danni had been undecided as to whether Ruby should go to the crematorium with them, but Ruby had been insistent that she was going. She'd dressed herself in a navy blue dress on the morning of the funeral and when she appeared from her bedroom Jason had to choke down the lump in his throat seeing how brave she was. She'd held his hand tightly as they walked into the chapel behind Jess's coffin to the strains of "Never tear us apart" by INXS and she'd sat in the crook of his arm during the service, her head resting against the hollow of his shoulder. At the end of the service, before the curtains hid the coffin away, she had let go of his hand to say goodbye, before anyone else had stood up. Wrapping her forearms around the end of the polished wood he thought his heart would tear in two as he heard her whisper the words "I love you mummy" as she kissed her fingertips and placed them on top of the coffin for just a fleeting moment, before turning away and back to the safety of his hug.

They both looked up as Danni came into the room and gave them a sad little smile. 'I'm just going to take mum home now that everyone's gone,' she remarked, thinking that both Ruby and Jason looked shattered.

'Shall I make us some dinner?' Jason asked, realising he was hungry. He hadn't been able to face breakfast that morning and he'd been too busy thanking people at the wake after the funeral that he'd completely forgotten to eat anything all day.

'That would be nice. I won't be long.'

'Fajitas?' Jason asked, not sure if Daisy liked them. He'd got to know Danni's daughter in the last few weeks, but he still had no idea about her likes and dislikes.

'That sounds good. I'll drop some of my stuff off back at my house en-route.'

'Danni, there's no rush. Don't worry about it now,' Jason assured her. He'd kept meaning to broach the subject of her staying in the house and that he would move out during the weeks that Jess had been ill and also after she'd passed away, but there had never been the right time to talk about it. He guessed tonight might be the best time.

Just over an hour later, he heard the front door open and shut and realised Danni was home. He'd kept Ruby busy chopping vegetables once she'd changed out of her pretty dress.

'Mmm.. something smells nice!' Danni remarked, taking an appreciative sniff as she entered the kitchen. 

'Help yourself to a glass of wine. I figured we might need one after today, so I put a bottle in the fridge when I started dinner,' he looked over his shoulder at her as he cooked the peppers and onions in the pan.

'Want one?' she asked, holding the chilled bottle aloft in her hand. She waited until he nodded and then poured them each a glass, handing one to him as he continued cooking.

Once they'd finished dinner Daisy and Ruby went into Ruby's bedroom to watch a film, so Jason took the opportunity to broach the subject of Danni staying and him moving out. 'How about I pour us another glass of wine and you go sit in the lounge. I'll be with you once I've tidied up?'

'Are you sure?' Danni asked, chewing unsurely on her bottom lip as she saw the dirty dishes piled up ready to go in the dishwasher.

'Yes, you've done more than enough sorting out all the catering at Jess's wake. Put your feet up,' he suggested kindly, thinking she looked tired. He knew she hadn't slept particularly well over the last few weeks, as he'd often heard her bedroom door open in the middle of the night and the sound of her quietly going downstairs to the kitchen to make a late night cup of tea to help her sleep as he lay awake reading, because he couldn't sleep either.

'So, I was thinking Danni.... and I spoke to Jess too...,' he added, as an afterthought, so she knew that it hadn't just been his idea, as they sat in the lounge together later. 'Would you like to stay here with the girls and I'll go back to my flat?' he asked.

'You mean tonight?' Danni looked at him in confusion, the wine glass half way to her mouth. They'd stayed there while Jess was in the hospice as it meant that they could all go to visit together and made sense.

'No, I meant permanently. I think Ruby would prefer to be here surrounded by her own things and some continuity.'

'You're not doing this because you think I'm some kind of charity case? I'm more than happy to move back to my house.' Danni assured him, smiling at him as if to say she really didn't mind moving out. She had to admit she liked living in such a beautiful big house, but that didn't mean she expected to stay.

'Danni you are not a charity case and I'm not offering because I think you are. Jess was fine with it when I mentioned it to her. All I'm concerned about is that Ruby's happy,' he took a sip of his wine and waited to see what she said.

'You love Ruby a lot, don't you?' Danni sat with her head on one side as she studied him.

'Yeah, she's like the daughter I never had. I always wanted kids, but I never met the right person. Well, until Jess,' he shrugged sadly and swallowed down the tears which threatened to overwhelm him.

'Do you think you'd have married her given time or had kids?'

'I really don't know. I loved her very much - I still do. I'm kinda scared of the whole putting a ring on someone's finger in case I fuck it up and they find underneath it all I'm just Jay. Nothing special.'

'Jess thought you were special.'

'Yeah, but we were still at that kind of honeymoon stage if you know what I mean? We'd only just moved in together, so she hadn't learnt about all my faults.'

'As in?' Danni asked, wondering what his faults were and thinking Jess probably would have seen some of them in the 9 months they were together. 'I promise I won't laugh if they're a bit weird.'

'Well I'm not particularly confident sometimes. I may come across that I am, but I'm not. I hate being disturbed by fans - in fact, I'm downright bad tempered sometimes and then I feel bad afterwards. I'm a grumpy bastard sometimes.'

'Well if that's all your faults are then Jess was a lucky lady. She adored you, Jay.'

'That means a lot, Danni,' he took another sip of his wine and looked pointedly at her. 'So do you want to stay here?'

'Jay, I couldn't afford the rent.'

'I don't want any. You taking care of Ruby means I would never charge you.'

'Don't you have tenants in the flat though?' Danni wrinkled her nose in confusion, as she was sure that Jess had mentioned a couple living there now.

'I have to give them notice, but I can always book myself into a hotel in the meantime.'

'You are not booking yourself into a hotel, Jay! Why don't you just stay for as long as you need? Then when they're tenancy is up or you're ready to move back then let me know. It's not like there isn't plenty of room here is it?' Danni replied, horrified that he thought it was ok to go and check into a hotel rather than stay in his own home. 'Besides, I think Ruby needs to get used to Jess not being here before you leave. It will break her heart to have you leave too.'

Jason turned the idea over in his mind thinking that Danni had a point. It hadn't even crossed his mind that Ruby would be upset if he left straight away. His only thought had been that she would have Danni and she'd soon get used to him living elsewhere and that she would come to stay with him maybe at weekends. 'People will talk...' was the only reason not to stay that he could come up with.'

'Sod them! We're friends! It's purely platonic, because Jess is my sister and I think Ruby would be a lot more settled if you stayed,' She took a mouthful of the wine and thought again about what he said people would say, before replying to him. 'Besides, me and you.... ewwww... that's just too weird to comprehend!' She burst into incredulous laughter at the mere thought of it, the wine she'd just taken a sip of coming snorting out of her nostril as it went down the wrong way.

'I know. But you know what gossips people are.'

'Well tell them to fuck off and mind their own business!' Danni swore, her face bearing her annoyance with people who gossiped. 'I'm sorry. I have a really bad potty mouth compared to Jess. That's where we're very different,' she said as she flushed with embarrassment.

'So I gathered...' Jason replied with a grin. 'I've worked with a man who has the worst mouth for that in music, so you won't offend me,' he replied, referring to Robbie and his swearing antics.

'Oh good. That's ok then.' Danni looked at him in relief.

Jason took a last swallow of his wine and twisted the face of his watch around to check the time. He was surprised to see it was already 8pm. 'I need to speak to Ruby and tell her what's happening and I have a little something Jess asked me to give to her tonight when it's dark.'

'Can you send Daisy into me and I'll get her ready for bed?' Danni asked as he stood up, putting the glass down by the sofa.

'Yeah. You can pour us another glass of wine if you want. I aim to have a few tonight, because I think it's the only way I'll sleep,' he remarked sadly over his shoulder in her direction as he left the room.

Danni sat for a moment staring into space after he'd left the room. She missed Jess more than she thought was possible and strange as it seemed, just having Jason's company for a little while made her feel less lonely. She also knew that Ruby would be over the moon and it might help her to settle without her mum, she thought idly to herself. She knew instinctively that Jess would be fine with it, because Ruby's happiness had been the only thing that worried her towards the end and this seemed to be the ideal solution for the time being.

Daisy and Ruby were laying stretched out on their stomachs on top of Ruby's double bed watching a film. 'Your mum says you need to go get ready for bed, Daisy.' Jason said, smiling at them both. As Daisy left the room, he looked at Ruby. 'How are you doing?'

'I'm ok.' Ruby shuffled over on the bed so Jason could come and sit next to her and gave him a little lop-sided smile.

'Would you be ok staying here to live with Danni and Daisy?' he asked, tucking loose strands of hair behind her ear which had come loose from the plait which Danni had tied her hair in that morning.

'I guess....' Ruby trailed off, wishing with all her heart that Jess was still there. 'Are you going back to the flat if I stay here?' She asked in a small voice, feeling slightly confused as to where he'd be going.

'How would you feel about me staying here for a while?' he put his head to one side and studied her, thinking how grown up she suddenly seemed.

Ruby immediately sat up and threw her arms around him. 'Really?' she shouted at the top of her voice. She hadn't voiced to him that the thought of him leaving was the second most upsetting thing after losing her mum.

'Yeah, really!' he cuddled her tightly to him and kissed the top of her head, thinking he'd definitely done the right thing in deciding to stay. Just the joy in her face had cleared away any worries he had. Reaching down beside the bed, he picked up some rolled up papers which he'd laid there when he sat down. 'Rubes, I have something here that your mum got for you.'

Ruby looked at him, an expectant look on her face as he laid them on his lap and unfurled them in front of her.

'Your mum wanted you to have something so you know she can see you. You can look up at the sky and talk to her. He pointed at a star on the map so she could see what he meant. 'This is your mum's star and on a clear night you can look for her and have private chats and tell her about your day. How does that sound?' He got his answer as he saw the tears rolling down her cheeks and dropping from her chin as she smiled broadly at him, her arms going around his waist again as she studied the map in front of them both.

'Will we be able to see her tonight?' Ruby asked excitedly.

'It's a clear night, so shall we go and look?' Jason stood up and held his hand out to her. Ruby scrambled off the bed in double quick time and put her hand in his, nodding her head excitedly.


	10. Chapter 10

The first couple of weeks after Jess had passed away were extremely hard for them all. Ruby especially was finding it very difficult as she was so close to Jess and for a long time before Jason had come along it had been just the two of them. He'd struggled to sleep without the presence of Jess in bed with him and when he did sleep it was restless and often punctuated by Ruby waking up or crying for her mum in her sleep. He lost count of the times he went to comfort her, only to fall asleep on top of her duvet and find himself still there in the morning.

It was a Saturday morning two weeks after the funeral when Jason woke early and got up to make himself some breakfast. He was at the table half heartedly eating some muesli when Danni appeared and busied herself making a cup of tea, before sitting down opposite him, her fingers curled around the mug as she looked directly at him.

'I was thinking we need to collect Jess's ashes, Jay. I got an email reminder that we need to get them. Are you busy today as I'd really like you to come with me to get them?'

'Have you thought where you want to scatter them?' Jason asked, his heart lurching uncomfortably at the thought of doing it.

'She loved the Lake District, didn't she? She was so happy when you spent the weekends there.'

'Yes.' Jason thought back to the handful of weekends they spent there at his house and how happy he'd been too. The memory of the first time she cut his hair in the kitchen at his house there and her playful smile as she realised he was flirting with her flashed through his mind. 'God, do you think it gets easier given time?'he asked Danni, his voice catching as he asked the question.

'So they say... well, they say that you can speak about them without it hurting so much and that you can talk about them and smile rather than cry. I guess you learn to live with it. Though god knows how.' Danni reached across the table and took his hand in hers. 'It will get easier. It did with my dad eventually and gradually you learn to live life without them.'

'I guess you're right. Would you like to scatter her ashes in the Lake District?'

'Yes, I'd like that. I think that's a lovely idea. Mum mentioned she loved it there and said maybe we should do it there the last time we spoke about it.'

'Shall we drive up there this afternoon and stay over? We could do it then. Would your mum like to come too, do you think?' Jason suggested, thinking it might be nice to just get away for a couple of days. 'I can ring Greta to ask her if she'll air the place and put a few bits in the fridge if you like?'

Danni looked at him in surprise. 'As long as you're sure....' she trailed off, wondering where they were all going to sleep.

'Yeah, I'm sure.' He said decisively. 'There's three bedrooms so the girls could share, your mum can have mine and then you have the third bedroom. Is that ok?' he waited until she nodded, before continuing; 'I actually think it will help Ruby. Not closure, but acceptance of sorts?'

'But where will you sleep? If they're doubles it's not fair for me and mum to have our own rooms, Jay. Me and mum will share!'

'I can sleep on the sofa. It's not a problem,' Jason answered.

'No. I'll share with mum or we're not coming.' Danni replied, shooting him a look as if to say he wasn't to argue with her. 'So if I get the girls up and ring mum do you want to ring your friend Greta?' she suggested, draining her cup of coffee as her mind began thinking about what they'd need to take with them.

Three hours later they drew up outside the house and the girls piled out of the car and ran to the lake side as Jason opened the front door and they began to unpack the car. 

Maggie and Danni sat outside looking out over the lake as Jason made a pot of tea for them and a mint tea for himself. It was a beautiful, crisp autumn day and so he had suggested they all sat outside while they still could. Looking out of the window, he smiled softly as he saw Maggie and Danni in deep conversation, Danni's hands gesticulating as she described something in detail to her mum. Ruby and Daisy had their heads bent close to each other as they sat at the waters edge, their bare feet dangling in the water as they giggled and splashed. To an outsider, he realised that they probably looked like a happy family unit of father, mother, two daughters who were very close in age to each other and grandmother. As he opened a packet of biscuits for them all, his heart lurched uncomfortably for a moment as he looked out of the window again and just for a nano-second thought Danni was in fact Jess as she stood up and called out something to the girls. Her hair was the exact same red in colour as it tumbled over her shoulders as she pushed a few strands behind her ears in the same way that Jess used to. 

'We thought you'd got lost!' Maggie joked, as Jason suddenly appeared with their drinks.

Jason sat down at the table and smiled at her as he placed the mugs and tea-pot in front of them. 'I got way-laid. I was day-dreaming a bit.'

'About Jess?' Maggie asked, instantly knowing from the look in his eyes that it was about her.

'Yeah. I miss her so much. And then just for a moment I thought Danni was Jess when she stood up,' he nodded his head in Danni's direction as she turned to walk away from the girls by the water and back to the table to get her drink.

'What's that about me?' Danni asked, catching her name being mentioned as she reached them.

'I thought you were Jess for a second when I saw you from the kitchen. You are so similar - the hair and some of your mannerisms,' he looked at her apologetically, as he poured her tea and pushed the mug in her direction.

Danni shrugged, a strange look crossing her face as she lifted the mug to her lips. 'You want to try living in this body. I wake up in the morning and even I can see how similar we look when I see myself in the mirror. It's like a constant reminder that I've lost my big sister when I see my hair looking just like hers. I was thinking I might do something with my hair just so I'm not assaulted every morning by reminders of her every time I look in the mirror.'

Maggie drew Danni into her arms, hugging her tightly. 'You two always looked so similar. Even when you were small. Strange that the girls look so different to you and Jess, considering they're cousins,' she nodded in the direction of Ruby and Daisy who both had dark hair.

'Well Ruby must be some kind of throwback to your side of the family, mum. After all, you're all dark haired. We'll never know with Daisy. I sometimes feel guilty that she'll never get to know her dad.'

'Well, she doesn't seem to have suffered from not knowing him, Danni. She's a lovely kid. Besides, it's all very well having a father, but if they're anything like Steve was they're a waste of space anyway,' Jason remarked unthinkingly. 

'I guess you're right.' Danni agreed, her gaze going across the grass to where the girls still sat. 'So where and when should we scatter Jess's ashes?' she asked, changing the subject swiftly. She hated talking about the fact that she had no clue who Daisy's father was, because it was so unlike the person she was now. She couldn't even remember the last time she'd even been on a date.

'It's a clear night tonight.' Jason mused, almost to himself. 'Why don't we look for Jess's star and if the moon is on the water it'll look magical? What about if we did it then?'

Danni and Maggie nodded in agreement. 'I think that would be a nice idea, Jason. It's not going to be easy, but if Ruby feels closer to her mum it will make it easier for her,' Maggie replied, her eyes misting over at the thought of the final threads bonding Jess with them all disappearing as they scattered her ashes.

Maggie insisted on cooking dinner for them all that evening. She cooked Daisy and Ruby's dinner of Roast chicken with all the trimmings and she allowed them both to eat as many Yorkshire puddings as they could manage. She loved cooking the two girls roast dinner and often wondered whether they had hollow legs, given how much they could eat in one sitting.

Once they were done, Jason disappeared outside to check the night sky, the star map clutched in his hand to make sure he could locate the star which Jess had bought the rights to and named, so that Ruby would feel she was still there with her and looking down on her. After ten minutes he found the star and folded the map carefully away in his back pocket. He stood for a moment at the water's edge, his breath hanging in a light haze in the cool night air as he collected his thoughts together and looked back up into the night sky as the star twinkled down, encircled by half a dozen others.

'Jess, if you can hear me. Ruby is good. She misses you. We all bloody miss you. I miss your presence and just you. I promise I'll look after Ruby and be there for her, like I promised. Danni is really struggling. God, I must sound mental, but send her a sign to tell her what to do.' He paused, his eyes following the line of the moon as it shone silver on the lake in front of him, as his thoughts turned to her final days in the hospice and he sat down at the table where they'd sat earlier drinking tea.

Jess had taken a turn for the worst a couple of weeks before she'd passed away. The painkillers weren't touching the pain and so eventually after discussions with the oncologist she asked to go to the local hospice, knowing she would be made more comfortable. Jason, Danni and Maggie took it it's turns to be with her so she never felt alone. On the last couple of days she slept the whole time, only wakening when the pains came back and then drifting back to sleep after being given more morphine.

On the day she passed away Danni had been sitting with her for most of the morning as she slept and Jason had just arrived after dropping Ruby at Maggie's house. Danni left to give Jason time alone with her as a doctor appeared to check on her. He seemed to spend ages checking all her vital signs and Jason was beginning to wonder if something was up as the doctor eventually finished and turned to look at Jason, his expression grim. 'Is she ok?' Jason asked, knowing instantly that she wasn't.

'I think we need to get any relatives here who want to be with her. Jess's blood pressure has dropped and her breathing is more laboured so I think it's now a matter of time. I'm sorry.'

Jason's heart dropped. He'd been expecting news like this after she'd begun to sleep more and more, but it still broke his heart to hear it said out loud. He swallowed deeply and nodded, blindly reaching into his pocket to go and ring Danni and Maggie. He knew Maggie would probably leave Ruby and Daisy with Meg en-route and hoped she'd get there in time. He swiftly rang them both, explaining in a hushed tone that they needed to get there as soon as they could.

When he walked back in the room the doctor had gone - he assumed to fetch more morphine and Jess's eyes were open for the first time in days. Her eyes followed him as he came back to her bedside and he choked down a sob as he realised she was awake, his hand wrapping around her tiny one as he kissed her palm, slightly snagging the cannula which dripped clear fluid into her veins. 'Jess, you're awake....' he trailed off, hardly able to believe his eyes.

'Jay, need to tell you something,' she whispered, her breath gurgling in her throat, as she grimaced in pain.

He bent his head closer to her mouth to hear her better as another breath rasped through her. 'What is it?' he asked her gently, moving away slightly as the doctor reappeared and gave her another shot of morphine to control her pain. He had a feeling that judging by the amount they were giving her it was to send her back into her coma and onwards with no pain. Just the thought was killing him inside.

'Ruby. Look after her for me. Please?' she implored him, each word tumbling from her lips in between her breaths.

'I will. I promise.'

'I love you.'

'I know and I love you, Jess,' he whispered, his arms stretching over her so he was holding her in his arms as gently as he could as he sat next to the bed.

Jess seemed to not hear his words as she took another breath. 'I want you to be happy Jay. Do whatever you have to do to be happy. Whatever you have to do,' she repeated again to make sure he understood.

He nodded, not quite sure what she meant exactly and kissed her hand again as the morphine took effect and she drifted back to sleep. He held her in the curve of his arms knowing it was the last time he would hear her speak as her breathing slowed and then gradually stopped altogether just as Danni arrived in the room and realising what had happened burst into noisy sobs, her arms enveloping both him and Jess.

Jason was brought back to the present by the sound of Ruby's voice and it reminded him again of the promise he'd made to Jess that he'd look after her. He had a feeling she would be happy that for the time being he hadn't moved back to the flat and now felt unsure whether he should leave because of Ruby's happiness.

'We've been looking for you!' Danni called out as she emerged from the house, as Ruby ran ahead of her and tumbled clumsily into Jason's arms. 

'I've been out here thinking,' Jason replied, discreetly wiping his eyes as he looked up at Danni and dropped an affectionate kiss onto Ruby's dark head as she hugged him.

'About what?' Danni asked, half guessing it was Jess that he'd been thinking about. 

Jason nodded wordlessly as Danni stood in front of him. 'It's been kinda cathartic thinking things through y'know,' he stated, as Ruby bounded off to fetch Daisy and Maggie outside.

'I know,' Danni replied. 'I was inside the house doing the same. When we go back home will you stay and help me bring up Ruby? I don't think I can do this all on my own. I know I promised I would, but I don't think I'm strong enough to do it on my own.'

'I've been thinking the same - not about you not being strong enough, because you're stronger than you know,' he added quickly, not wanting her to think he was insulting her. 'I'd really like to stay and help permanently. I can't bear to go back to that lonely flat. Of course if you meet someone I'll step back, but for the time being can I stay?'

Danni nodded wordlessly and folded him into her arms in an embrace of solidarity. She felt thread of relief run through her that he'd been thinking the same and drew the same conclusions. 'Thank you,' she said simply, breaking their embrace as the sound of Ruby and Daisy's footsteps could be heard emerging from the house. She held her hand out to him and smiled softly; 'I take it you found Jess's star and the moonlight is on the water. Let's scatter her ashes while it looks so beautiful and she's shining down on us from up above.'


End file.
